My, my….how things can change in the blink of an eye! If you’ve followed our story at all, you
know that we’ve been waiting to adopt for about 18 months, and started the
whole process 2 years ago. It has been the hardest road I’ve traveled. Hope, disappointment, and fear, are only a
few of the words I can think of right now to describe it.
Well, today, things
finally changed. Sit back and relax,
cause this is gonna take a minute!
Let me start by telling you about my friend. She was one of my best friends from high
school and is still a very good friend to this day. I loved her parents and applaud them for
raising such a wonderful daughter. She
is happily married and has 3 wonderful kids of her own.
She spoke with me a while back about her and her husband
considering foster adoption. Since that
wasn’t the type of adoption we were doing I wasn’t extremely familiar with it,
but offered any advice I could. They
signed up with the same agency we were using and very shortly after they
started their dcfs classes, they had a call about a little boy. Since they wanted to adopt and seemed to be
the perfect home for this little boy, they said yes and were given special
approval to move him in while they were still working on their classes.
Meanwhile, over at my place, I was having some health
issues. Nothing serious, but stuff that
would guarantee that I would never have my own biological children – unless I
pull a Mary, and I don’t see that happening!
I was scheduled for surgery on April 16.
A few days before, our caseworker called us about a potential
birthparent. We agreed to have our
profile shown and spoke with her about signing up for dcfs classes. She emailed me the information on the classes
and told me we’d set up our 6 month monitoring visit after surgery.
A couple of days after my surgery, she called to tell me
that out of 9 profiles shown, we were one of 3 couples in the final pick. They were to look at them over the weekend
and choose one. We would just wait to
hear from her.
Back at my friend’s house, things weren’t going as
planned. She was very upset because the
dynamics with her kids and the little boy weren’t great. The little boy needed lots of attention
(which she completely understood) but her own kids needed attention also. She was devastated as she made the call to
her caseworker to ask them to move the little boy. As I can imagine, it was the hardest decision
she had to make. She called me so upset
that she had “failed” the little boy. I
tried to assure her that she had to do what she felt was right in her heart for
her family and that somewhere out there was his forever home, and she was just
helping him find it. I also commented
that it was too bad that we weren’t dcfs approved because she had told me how
sweet, smart, and loveable this little boy was. The agency now had 2 weeks to find him a new
home.
Shortly after I got off the phone with my friend, our
caseworker called. We were not chosen by
the birth parents. I am very used to
rejection by now, and though it sucked, I was not surprised. Then she asked me a question that started a
snowball effect. Would we ever consider
adopting older than an infant…..say 2 years old? Uh, say what?! I asked if this little boy was just asked to
be moved today and though she couldn’t really give me any information, she said
that there were a couple of cases that had recently came up….and I knew. I told her we would consider it and started
internally freaking out. I called my
friend…..could it be that they were talking about her little boy? She began to feel a little better thinking
that her unfortunate turn of events may turn out to be very fortunate for me. We were just a flutter with assumptions…..and
then my phone rang again.
Indeed, they were talking about her little foster boy. If we were at all interested, we would need
to get a waiver from the director because our classes hadn’t been completed for
dcfs. Apparently those waivers aren’t as
easy to come by as one would think. We
needed to wait and see what the director would say. A simple yes or no answer. Yes…….or no.
We were told that if they said yes, this could happen very quickly. If no, it was still not far fetched…..but we
would have a few obstacles.
Quickly, huh? I had a
spare room that needed cleaned out. I
mean, it was clean….it was just overcrowded with junk. I feverously got to work organizing stuff,
just in case.
We finally got our answer.
They said no. However, like I
said, it was not so far fetched. This
was now the 2nd day that we had been discussing this. There was a way….but my friend would have to
make a decision. Would she be willing to
remain his legal guardian until we completed our training (which isn’t set to
start until the beginning of May and would last one month)? She didn’t even hesitate when she told them
that she would – and only because it was me.
She wouldn’t do it for anyone else.
What a friend. I tell you, she is
amazing.
The sun comes up today.
Bill heads to work (before the sun came up), his head so full of “what
if’s” I could scream. He is much more
logical and cautious than I am. I have a
love/hate relationship with that. : ) My friend calls me, she has heard from her
caseworker. If we’re all ready, we can
begin transition visits as soon as I talk with the baby’s caseworker. She calls me just as I’ve lathered up in the shower! Obviously, I had the phone right outside the
shower and dry my ear off very quickly.
She is pleased with everything and agrees to the visits if we’re ok with
it. Ha, if we’re ok with it! I have a room to finish. My baby cousin (who is not so much a baby
anymore!) comes over to help me put together a toddler bed. With only 14 screws, it can’t be that bad
right? I’ll spare the details, but we
only had to take it back apart one time.
Ahem. Thanks again, Heidi….couldn’t have done it
without you! : )
Since my friend has agreed to remain his guardian, he still
has to live with her. But, he can do
visits with us for up to 3 days at a time – until our classes are finished,
then we will be his guardians. My friend
is so excited – not to leave him, but to give me my chance to start a
relationship with the little boy who will be our son. Her family brings him over this evening with
his meager belongings. She handed him to
me as we were carrying stuff in and he came right to me. We talked and went to his room. He started playing and acted as if nothing
was going on! He brought me his plate
from a bag and said “eat, eat”. We
headed to the kitchen where he stood in front of the fridge and said “eat”. He and Grace (who was so excited she could
hardly stand it) sat at the table to dine on some re-heated Pizza Hut (I know,
such a special first meal – ha!). I
worried as my friend and her family slipped out the door that he would cry……he
never even noticed! He ate all of his
pizza just like a big boy as we sat at the table for the first time as a “family
of 4”.
Aaaaand that’s enough for tonight! Stay tuned to hear what an amazing night we
had after the re-heated Pizza Hut dinner!
I can’t even begin to thank everyone enough for their
thoughts and prayers. Though this wasn’t
at all how I pictured “it” would happen, it feels right – and I still can’t
believe it. Even if we had been dcfs
ready at the time this little boy needed a home, we couldn’t have taken him
because of my surgery. I look at my friend as a special holding place
for him – for us. Would we have gotten
him if anyone else had taken him? I don’t
know. Yes, there are still some risks….but we will deal with that as we
go. Maybe some things do happen for a
reason. I’ve never believed that before. Tonight, I do.
