Short and Sweet!

I feel guilty that I have been sending people to my blog to read the story of how blessed we have become.....and I haven't written anything lately!  Believe it or not, I've been a little busy!  ;)  This post will be short and sweet, but I have plans for a personal blog session this weekend! 

We have finished our dcfs pride training (foster training) so that L could come live with us full time, so now he does.  Everyone still asks how the transition is going, and my answer is still that there really was no transition.  Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy!  We have been so lucky!

We will go to court soon for one of many court dates to get to adoption.   We are looking at a long haul, but at least he's here!  I was very disappointed when our pride trainers suggested that it could take up to 2 years.  What the what?!  But, at least he's here.

I still can't thank my friend enough for what she did for us.  She is such a blessing and I am forever thankful for her and her family. 

His caseworker has encouraged us to call L by his given name (which I still did occasionally, as it will be his middle name).  She doesn't want birth mom to be really upset about a name change and for that to be a hiccup.  I can totally understand that - doesn't matter to me what we call him for now.....because at least he's here! 

Grace has been the best big sister I could imagine!  He loves his "shishy" so much.  She is enjoying her summer break, and keeping busy.  We're signing up for volleyball camp in July, I can't wait for that for her! 

I hope you are all enjoying this hot, humid summer! 

My First Mom's Day!

For many years I have longed to celebrate mother’s day.  Every year, my heart ached for what I knew had to be the best feeling in the world.  Finally, my dream has come true, and it IS the best feeling in the world!!

My first Mother’s Day was much as I had expected….just like any other day, except I got a present.  The laundry was still here and there were still messes to clean up, but you know what?  I couldn’t have been happier about it!  When the laundry includes itty bitty socks and cute little t-shirts and the messes are sippy cups and strewn about toys, that’s just fine with me!

We had breakfast at my sister’s house and came home for a bit before Grace had to go back to her mother’s house.  Grace bought me 2 new Willow Tree Angels, which were perfect.  After Grace left, we headed to the lake with some fishing poles (not for me though, I suck at fishing).  It was a beautiful day to just be outside and we enjoyed it. 

Lucas was full of kisses and made my heart swell every time he looked at me.  We finally settled in for the night after bath time on the couch.  He fell asleep while I held himas we watched tv.  Even though he sweats like crazy when he sleeps and my arm was soaked I couldn’t get up and go lay him in his bed.  I just wanted to keep looking at him! 

As ashamed as I am to say it, it wasn’t until that moment that I thought of his birth mom.  She may not have custody of him, but she had to be thinking of him.  Since he is in foster care, she did not decide to place him for adoption and did not choose us; but I hope that she knew that we were thinking of her and that she had some comfort that he was in a safe place. 

We made a handprint for her on Monday and will send it to their next visit.  I hope that she will accept it and knows that it is coming from a good place in my heart.  I worry about that.  Though we hope to adopt him and ultimately hope he doesn’t return “home”, I don’t want her to feel like I think I’m better than her.  I hope that my gestures (like sending a letter, picture, or his artwork) won’t lead her in that direction.  I will still send them unless she says that she wishes otherwise.    On Sunday though, I was sure thankful that she gave birth to the precious little boy I was blessed to be holding in my arms!

Some things I've learned in 13 days....

13 DAYS?!?!  Yes, Lucas has been in our lives for almost 2 weeks already!  In this very short amount of time, I've learned a few things....

I've learned that although I've never been a morning person (at ALL), that I am more than willing to wake at 5:45 every morning to a sweet little voice calling, "Mom....Mom!"

I've learned that you have to choose your battles.  Though I've always known this, I've learned that you really have to choose your battles with a 2 year old.  I'd rather he wear his boots to bed than see those big crocodile tears because he doesn't want to take them off.

I've learned that while my bank account may not like it too much, I am so glad that I am not working right now.  I could not imagine all of this happening and having to work during it. 

I've learned that it is possible to function on 4-5 hours of sleep.

I've learned that it feels really nice to hear "Congratulations" from people, instead of "I'm so sorry".

I've learned that even though I've never been a nap person, it's nice to sneak one in with my new little love every once in a while and not feel guilty about it!

I've learned that the people you think would be there to rejoice in this wonderful situation may not be.  I'm very thankful for those that are, some who I wouldn't have expected!

I've learned that it makes me nervous to hear coughs and sniffles and sneezes.  It was different with Grace, Chace, and Miles because ultimately they all had their own moms who made the calls and I just did what they said to do.  I know it will grow on me, and thankfully I have my sister who has been through it and my Aunt Patty who, in my opinion, knows everything there is to know about children!

I've learned that I am seeing life from a whole different perspective and I love it!

We are blessed!

If you're just coming in, please read Part 1 here, Part 2 here, and Part 3 here !!

We have been blessed beyond measure with family and friends who are accepting and helpful.  I cannot imagine traveling this journey by ourselves or with anyone who didn’t “approve” of our decisions.  I love running into people who have read our blog and have them tell me how touched they were.  When they tell me it made them cry, I’m usually glad!  Not because I want them to cry, but I am glad that people are able to feel some of the emotion that we have went through.  I want people to see how wonderful, terrifying, and absolutely beautiful this journey has been.  It’s far from over, so settle in for the ride!   

Everyone has shown Lucas so much love that it makes my heart swell.  It seems as he has always been a part of our family.  He is treated the same as all of the other kids and he fits right in!  Amy and I strolled the boys around the park the other night and were stopped by several people who wanted to meet Lucas and give me congratulations.  I loved every minute of it, because I know these people are genuinely happy for us!

Our visits are going well, I can’t wait for our classes to be done so he can stay with us 24/7.  They will only last one month, I’m hoping it goes by fast!  As far as I am concerned, there seem to be no adjustment "issues" and that suits me just fine! 

My friend who is such a blessing is doing great.  I think her worries have subsided as she now knows this is exactly how it was supposed to work out.  I love her so much for this gift that she held onto for us!

Grace had surgery Friday to have her adenoids taken out.  Her surgery went great and after resting yesterday she is feeling pretty good today.  We left Lucas with Aunt Patty (who is on our list of pre-approved babysitters) while we took Grace for her surgery.  Aunt Patty said he was good when we left, except he wanted to know where his Grace was!  He loves her so much! 

Lucas will pretty much call most women “mom” and most men “dad”.  I think he knows that we are mom and dad….we take care of him and love on him more than anyone, but he doesn’t know what to call everyone else, since he’s never been around anyone for an extended length of time.  Maybe?  I am in the process of gathering pictures for a small photo album so we can read it like a book. It will have pictures of everyone in our family and people we will see on a regular basis.  I’m hoping that doing this he will associate names with faces over time and will give me the pleasure of being the only “mom”! 

He is so funny when he wants to get my attention even when I am sitting right with him.  For instance, we were sitting in his bedroom floor, he was playing and I was going through some clothes from my cousin.  “momomomomMOM!!”  ….”what baby?”  ….”here”  as he hands me a mickey mouse toy.  I love to hear him say mom.  I always imagined how it would sound, but I never in my wildest dreams thought it would sound this sweet.  I just can’t help but smile and look around to see if anyone else heard it.  The same way with Bill….I love to hear him ask for “dad’n”  I’m not sure what all that is about, but most of the time, it’s how he says it.  It is music to my ears.

So, do you have any questions about our journey?  Anything you’d like to hear about or want to be nosey about?  Joking, joking!  Ask away, or give me some suggestions on what to write next.  With the exception of any confidential information about Lucas, I am an open book!  Sometimes the pages may be a little wrinkled or not read exactly how I want them to, but this is my book and I am glad you are reading it! 

Part 3! Not as exciting, but it's what's up!

Lucas’ caseworker showed up for our appointment with the transporter (the lady who will take him to visits with his bio parents once a week).  He knows these 2 ladies well and ran to give them hugs when he saw them….but that was it.  He went back to playing and didn’t have much to do with them, which they said was not normal for him.  So, that must mean he feels pretty comfortable here, right?! 

I told her that he spent the night and let her know how smooth everything had been.  She was so excited and told me this is just what he needs…..but I already knew that!  She felt that he just needed a chance to be parented consistently and I’m so ready!  We will go to court in July and will have his status changed from “return home” and get him on the final stretch to his forever home.  I can’t wait!

We confirmed the plan that my friend is still his legal guardian and Lucas can spend the night here up to 3 days at a time, then her home, then 3 days here again.  I hope that this routine does not become too confusing, but it’s only for a month so maybe it won’t be that bad.  As much as I’m ready for him to have a routine and stability, I know he is much more ready!

When they left, he wouldn’t even give them a hug….just ran to my lap!  They were both so nice and care so much for Lucas.  I know it’s their job, but I can tell that it’s more than that to them.  I’m so thankful for them because I’ve heard there are some grumpy caseworkers out there!  Haha

We spent the rest of the day hanging out and playing.  He napped and when we picked Grace up from school he had the biggest smile and hug for her.  I think he’s just as smitten by her as she is by him!  Saturday was also spent hanging out and getting to know each other.  I never could have imagined that a situation like this would be so perfect! 

Bill worked for so many days in a row that he didn’t really get to spend any time with us until Saturday evening.  We went out to eat and Lucas was such a good baby!  He behaved so well (and no, I’m not delusional….I know there will be plenty of times that he won’t!) and we stopped by Uncle Raymond and Aunt Erin’s and he got a little gift that makes lots of grumpy noises and has a club to hit stuff with.  Thanks guys.  Haha  

I learned a valuable lesson that night also.  Letting a toddler stay up past bed time will not make them sleep in in the morning…..it will only make them crabby!  Haha  He loves playing a little “game” at bed time.  We start to rock, then he wants to get down.  He gets in his bed and rolls around, giggling, pretending to snore, covering and uncovering.  I walk out of the room and tell him to lay down.  I’ll stand in the kitchen and will hear him pitter patter to the doorway.  I’ll holler for him to go lay down and he pitter patters back to his bed giggling.  This goes on a few times then I go back in and ask if he’s ready for me to hold him.  At this point, he reaches those little bitty arms up snuggles in and falls asleep in about 10 seconds.

I can also tell you another thing I’ve learned.  Those little pitter patters are making more than hot laps across the carpet.   My heart already has permanent pitter patter tracks across it.  I’ve always dreamed about the day I would feel this much joy.  And that day is finally here!

Next post I’ll talk about hearing him call us mommommomMOM and dad’n and how awesome our family has been! 

 

Part 2 to our new love story

So, as the kids finished up eating, our first guests arrived, who were so ready to meet our new addition.  When Heidi and Aunt Patty came in, he did just as Grace instructed and said “Hi, Pat Pat” while grinning from ear to ear.  *All small kids call her Pat Pat  : )

We got up from the table and went to his room to show off his stuff (and admire the assembling job Heidi and I did on the toddler bed!)  haha! Aunt Patty and Heidi came with all kinds of goodies for our little man.  They began to pull them out of the bags and he was so excited - especially about his spiderman pj’s and swim trunks!  He gave out hugs and was one little happy camper.  Next to arrive was Aunt Amy and Miles.  Amy cried as soon as she walked in the door, tears of joy.  He took right to her, while he and Miles have some warming up to do.  I think the age range (only 9 months apart) *might* have a little to do with that!  : ) 

Since Miles was a little jealous and didn’t really want anything to do with X, Uncle Bill took him outside to see the rabbits.  We all followed behind to the swing sets and the playhouse.  Grace and X ran in and out of the playhouse, up and down the slide, and back and forth on the swing.  She packed him around everywhere, and he loved every minute of it!  My Dad, Uncle Raymond, Uncle Jerome, and Heidi made their way to the backyard and watched the kids go this way and that.  It was still unreal to me that everyone was here because of this little miracle running around!  Chace came home from baseball practice and said, “He looks like you, Aunt Lisa”.  I think it’s the brown hair….that’s about it!  Haha

It started to get chilly so we headed back in where the kids jumped on bean bags, played with toys, and visited.  Ashlei and Jenny were checking in with Aunt Patty to see how everything was going, and thanking the Lord for answered prayers!  My friend called to see how everything was going and was so relieved when I told her how awesome it was.  It was only going to get better.

After our visitors left, we picked up and got ready for bath time.  Bath time with my own little one.  How exciting!  He was so excited to play with his new bath tub boat from Heidi and Aunt Patty that he didn’t seem to mind the water pouring over his head.  (I don’t show much mercy during bath time…..water in the eyes only lasts a few seconds!)  I kid, I kid…..kind of!  We finished bath time, lotioned up, and got pj’s on.  We went to the living room to rock in the recliner, and he just snuggled right in dozed off.  It was the most amazing feeling.  Every time I tried to lay him in his bed though, he would wake up and want to be held again….not that I minded that at all!  : ) 

After about 20 minutes of solid sleeping in my arms, I was able to lay him in his bed and walk away.  Even though our room is directly across from his, I still had the baby monitor on.  I was a little restless because I was afraid I would miss something because of the massive snores coming from right next to me in bed.  A few kicks to the shins solved that problem and our room was silent, except the faint hum of the monitor.  After about 4 hours he let out a faint cry and I was there in a jiffy to scoop him up.  He wrapped that little bitty arm around my neck and nuzzled his head to me and I felt like I could just melt into a puddle right there.  I will never forget how it felt to know that I was the person this little man was depending on to keep him safe and give him lovies.  I closed my eyes and swayed back and forth until I heard those little baby snores coming from his mouth. 

He only stirred one more time and we had the same moment again that made me swoon.  Bill woke for work, and after he left I lay staring at the ceiling.  Could I be dreaming?  I sure hoped not.  I was assured it was indeed real by the stirring on the monitor.  I laid and listened, thinking he was just turning over in bed.  I heard a little shuffle and look over to the doorway and see a little piece of my heart standing there.  I hopped out of bed to scoop him up, and In a sleepy little baby voice he says, “hi” and gave me that big pudgy cheek grin.  Swoon.

Grace was awoken a little later by what she called the greatest alarm clock ever.  She begged me to not make her go to school, but since I am so mean (not really) I made her get ready and go.  She was so early getting ready, she had time to play, pack X around everywhere, and get some McDonald’s for breakfast!  She is thrilled with the fact that when she needed to hand him to me to put her jacket on this morning he didn’t want to come to me.  He only wanted his “shishy”. 

We got Grace dropped off and headed to the grocery store to pick up some food for a little boy who will eat just about anything…..this was new to me because Chace and Miles are very picky.  What does a 2.5 year old like to eat?  We just got a little bit of everything and I’m hoping for the best!  Haha  We headed home and put the groceries away and waited for baby X’s caseworker, who would be there any minute. 

In part 3, you will hear what she had to say and how X and I spent the rest of the day!  Stay tuned!

****I am referring to him as X – his name is Xavier.  Shoot me down here, but I dislike that name very much.  Like really, really dislike.  We call him Zay, which is what his caseworker calls him.  We will change his first name when we are able to legally and have decided to name him Lucas.  His middle name will be Xavier, so he still has that part with him.  We’ve called him Lucas a few times and he responds to it immediately.  I’m sure he doesn’t know really, but I don’t think it would be that hard for him to adapt.  Has anyone ever had an experience like this….or know someone who has?  Please do not blast me here….only kind suggestions please!  ; )

I know you've been waiting for it!!! Good news - Part 1

My, my….how things can change in the blink of an eye!   If you’ve followed our story at all, you know that we’ve been waiting to adopt for about 18 months, and started the whole process 2 years ago. It has been the hardest road I’ve traveled.  Hope, disappointment, and fear, are only a few of the words I can think of right now to describe it.

 Well, today, things finally changed.  Sit back and relax, cause this is gonna take a minute!

Let me start by telling you about my friend.  She was one of my best friends from high school and is still a very good friend to this day.  I loved her parents and applaud them for raising such a wonderful daughter.  She is happily married and has 3 wonderful kids of her own.

She spoke with me a while back about her and her husband considering foster adoption.  Since that wasn’t the type of adoption we were doing I wasn’t extremely familiar with it, but offered any advice I could.  They signed up with the same agency we were using and very shortly after they started their dcfs classes, they had a call about a little boy.  Since they wanted to adopt and seemed to be the perfect home for this little boy, they said yes and were given special approval to move him in while they were still working on their classes.

Meanwhile, over at my place, I was having some health issues.  Nothing serious, but stuff that would guarantee that I would never have my own biological children – unless I pull a Mary, and I don’t see that happening!  I was scheduled for surgery on April 16.  A few days before, our caseworker called us about a potential birthparent.  We agreed to have our profile shown and spoke with her about signing up for dcfs classes.  She emailed me the information on the classes and told me we’d set up our 6 month monitoring visit after surgery. 

A couple of days after my surgery, she called to tell me that out of 9 profiles shown, we were one of 3 couples in the final pick.  They were to look at them over the weekend and choose one.  We would just wait to hear from her.

Back at my friend’s house, things weren’t going as planned.  She was very upset because the dynamics with her kids and the little boy weren’t great.  The little boy needed lots of attention (which she completely understood) but her own kids needed attention also.  She was devastated as she made the call to her caseworker to ask them to move the little boy.  As I can imagine, it was the hardest decision she had to make.  She called me so upset that she had “failed” the little boy.  I tried to assure her that she had to do what she felt was right in her heart for her family and that somewhere out there was his forever home, and she was just helping him find it.  I also commented that it was too bad that we weren’t dcfs approved because she had told me how sweet, smart, and loveable this little boy was.  The agency now had 2 weeks to find him a new home.

Shortly after I got off the phone with my friend, our caseworker called.  We were not chosen by the birth parents.  I am very used to rejection by now, and though it sucked, I was not surprised.  Then she asked me a question that started a snowball effect.  Would we ever consider adopting older than an infant…..say 2 years old?  Uh, say what?!  I asked if this little boy was just asked to be moved today and though she couldn’t really give me any information, she said that there were a couple of cases that had recently came up….and I knew.  I told her we would consider it and started internally freaking out.  I called my friend…..could it be that they were talking about her little boy?  She began to feel a little better thinking that her unfortunate turn of events may turn out to be very fortunate for me.  We were just a flutter with assumptions…..and then my phone rang again. 

Indeed, they were talking about her little foster boy.  If we were at all interested, we would need to get a waiver from the director because our classes hadn’t been completed for dcfs.  Apparently those waivers aren’t as easy to come by as one would think.  We needed to wait and see what the director would say.  A simple yes or no answer.   Yes…….or no.  We were told that if they said yes, this could happen very quickly.  If no, it was still not far fetched…..but we would have a few obstacles.

Quickly, huh?  I had a spare room that needed cleaned out.  I mean, it was clean….it was just overcrowded with junk.  I feverously got to work organizing stuff, just in case.

We finally got our answer.  They said no.  However, like I said, it was not so far fetched.  This was now the 2^nd day that we had been discussing this.  There was a way….but my friend would have to make a decision.  Would she be willing to remain his legal guardian until we completed our training (which isn’t set to start until the beginning of May and would last one month)?  She didn’t even hesitate when she told them that she would – and only because it was me.  She wouldn’t do it for anyone else.  What a friend.  I tell you, she is amazing.

The sun comes up today.  Bill heads to work (before the sun came up), his head so full of “what if’s” I could scream.  He is much more logical and cautious than I am.  I have a love/hate relationship with that.  : )  My friend calls me, she has heard from her caseworker.  If we’re all ready, we can begin transition visits as soon as I talk with the baby’s caseworker.  She calls me just as I’ve lathered up in the shower!  Obviously, I had the phone right outside the shower and dry my ear off very quickly.  She is pleased with everything and agrees to the visits if we’re ok with it.  Ha, if we’re ok with it!  I have a room to finish.  My baby cousin (who is not so much a baby anymore!) comes over to help me put together a toddler bed.  With only 14 screws, it can’t be that bad right?  I’ll spare the details, but we only had to take it back apart one time.  Ahem.   Thanks again, Heidi….couldn’t have done it without you!  : )

Since my friend has agreed to remain his guardian, he still has to live with her.  But, he can do visits with us for up to 3 days at a time – until our classes are finished, then we will be his guardians.  My friend is so excited – not to leave him, but to give me my chance to start a relationship with the little boy who will be our son.  Her family brings him over this evening with his meager belongings.  She handed him to me as we were carrying stuff in and he came right to me.  We talked and went to his room.  He started playing and acted as if nothing was going on!  He brought me his plate from a bag and said “eat, eat”.  We headed to the kitchen where he stood in front of the fridge and said “eat”.  He and Grace (who was so excited she could hardly stand it) sat at the table to dine on some re-heated Pizza Hut (I know, such a special first meal – ha!).  I worried as my friend and her family slipped out the door that he would cry……he never even noticed!  He ate all of his pizza just like a big boy as we sat at the table for the first time as a “family of 4”. 

Aaaaand that’s enough for tonight!  Stay tuned to hear what an amazing night we had after the re-heated Pizza Hut dinner!

I can’t even begin to thank everyone enough for their thoughts and prayers.  Though this wasn’t at all how I pictured “it” would happen, it feels right – and I still can’t believe it.  Even if we had been dcfs ready at the time this little boy needed a home, we couldn’t have taken him because of my surgery.   I look at my friend as a special holding place for him – for us.  Would we have gotten him if anyone else had taken him?  I don’t know. Yes, there are still some risks….but we will deal with that as we go.    Maybe some things do happen for a reason.  I’ve never believed that before.  Tonight, I do.