Seriously?! I can do this!!

Wowza.  I haven't blogged in a long while. So, let's start off with something heavy.  Literally.

See what I mean?  Literally!  After I posted this picture to facebook, a friend of mine commented how I blasted myself.  Say what?!  I didn't know what that meant!  Pretty much that I put that out there to intentionally embarrass myself....which is exactly what I was doing!  :) 

I care a lot (most of the time) about what other people think about me.  I also care about what I think about me too.  Putting myself out there about my biggest insecurity seemed the best way to hold myself accountable.  We'll see how this approach works.

I have always been a bigger person.  Biggest person in my family, biggest one out of my friends, biggest one at work.  It's just how it always was.  It always bothered me a little, but never enough to feel that I needed to do anything about it.  I ate what I wanted, when I wanted.  Sure, I was out of breath walking anywhere, but I felt ok.  What a way to live, right?  Hmph.

My husband is an amazing person who assures me every day how beautiful I am....and I believe him that he means it.  I am one lucky lady.  Last year, after we ended our IVF treatments I weighed the most I had ever weighed; 203 pounds.  He would still tell me every day how great I was.  Lucky, I tell ya!  But, I was miserable.  Even my "fat clothes" were not very comfy.  I was starting to get a sharp pain in my chest every once in a while.  I made a pretty heavy "uffda" sound while rolling off  getting up from the couch.  One of our old lady patients asked me when I was having my baby.  Seriously.

It was time for a change.  March of last year, I called my dr. and made an appt to talk about weight loss.  My cholesterol was kind of high, my triglycerides were VERY high, and I weighed a lot.  We talked about eating right and exercising.  She showed me an awesome website, www.myfitnesspal.com.  She prescribed me an appetite suppressant (diet pill, if you will) to take for a month.  I started the medicine and immediately, my appetite was suppressed.  I had energy to exercise.  I began walking in the mornings and exercising on the elliptical.  I worked my way up to 250 sit ups a day.  I started to notice my body changing, as well as the numbers on the scale after a couple of weeks.  When I went back for my month checkup, I had lost 16 pounds.  She told me that was too much too fast, even though I was eating 1800 calories a day (thanks to myfitnesspal!).  I had started taking 1/2 a pill instead of a whole and continued for about 2 more weeks.  

At that point, I noticed they weren't really working for my appetite anymore.  I wasn't starving like I used to be all the time, but I could just tell they weren't doing their magic anymore.  At that point though, I was in a groove.  Exercise, eat right, be happier and healthier.  And my weight continued to come off.  I kept the remaining meds I had for about another month when I hit a plateau and tried them for a couple days again.  Still not helping, so I flushed what I had left.  I knew I could do this myself.  I worked myself from 203 pounds to 169 pounds in 4 1/2 months.  I managed to keep steady around 173 pounds and I was happy with that.  I felt great!   I hadn't reached my final goal, but I had reached my first goal (175 pounds). 

UNTIL....we went on vacation (June/July).  I still did all right on vacation.  I exercised a couple of times at the hotel.  I ate ok, given the fact we were on vacation!  When we came back, I started slipping.  And slipping.  By my birthday in August, I had gained back some and was hanging around 180 pounds.  What I wouldn't give to be 180 right now.  Ahem.  Slipping and slipping.  We were in the middle of adoption paperwork and home study and caseworker visits.  And slipping.  The holidays came and went and I was starting to give up.  I joined a "biggest loser" challenge with my cousins and sister.  I didn't even try.  Food was too good.  From that point on, I have given up, telling myself I will start again one day.  I can't even begin to tell you how many weekends I have over-indulged, swearing that "My diet will start Monday!!!"  Yeah right!

Well, today, Tuesday June 19, 2012 - is my Monday.  In the set of pictures above, the top right picture is from tonight at a ballgame.  Today I got this cute haircut....and it doesn't look cute on a fat face.  I can control that.  I have the power to change that face.  I have the power to not have to stretch out every single shirt I own before I put it on.  I have the power to not have to buy clothes that have an X in the size.  I have the power to not loop a rubber band through my pants waist so they will fit better.  I can control my health.  I just have to do it.

My goal is simple, but the hardest thing for me to do.  Eat better.  Exercise.  I want to start out by losing 18 pounds in 6 weeks.  3 pounds a week.  I'll try.  This time I will, because I know how "healthier" feels.  And I know I can do it.  My plan is to update my blog with my progress. I hope that by putting my insecurities out there I will be held more accountable for my actions.  Let's hope so!  I can do this! 

She's growing up....

And this picture proves it.  Don'tcha think?
*Sigh*

 

It's coming!

So, if you follow me on facebook, you're familiar with what's going on with adoption waiting....nothing!  We have a new caseworker, our profile was shown again and they chose another family, and I'm going crazy handling it all like a champ!  I don't like the idea of switching caseworkers, but these things happen.  The caseworker position with the agency has been taken to a part time position, but we were told that this shouldn't affect our situation at all....only those that are just coming to the agency to get started. 

I know they mean well, but it is hard to hear caseworkers remind me that we've "only" been waiting since November.  Only.  Never mind the months it took to get licensed, the ill fated start with another agency, three tries at IVF, and the trying before that.  Only since November though.

We've heard many kind words from friends lately.  Some of my favorites come from my friend Liz, who has also faced infertility and who has a wonderful little girl through adoption.  I appreciate everyone's kind words....but especially hers!  It's wonderful to hear reassurance from someone who's been in our exact place.

  From Liz:  {I know how hard it is to wait. I understand the heart ache... and, you are doing great. Just hang in there... it's coming. It's going to happen. It's not a matter of IF it will happen, it's WHEN it will happen. And when it does, all of this waiting and wondering will be a distant thought. You'll look at that baby's sweet, little face and say "Ah yes, there it is. There's the reason I had to wait. I see it now."}

So, we still wait.  But, I rest assured, because in the wise words of my friend Liz, it's coming!

Just some sentences

I'm thinking of combining our adoption blog with this one.  I get torn on which blog I want to write on when I feel like blogging and then I just don't end up doing either.  So, I think I am going to print the posts that I have on that blog (for a keepsake) and I will continue any adoption posts right here!

Speaking of adoption, we are having our profile shown again!  I don't want to get my hopes up, so I won't.  Yea, right.  There's less risk (well, just risk of a different sort) involved with this one, so that's nice.

Bill and I went camping this weekend and I loved it!  We haven't been in a few years, I had forgotten how much fun it was!  It was a little cooler than I'd have really liked, BUT, it wasn't 90 degrees so I won't complain.  I got to read an entire book, had hot dogs for dinner AND breakfast, and enjoyed nature (while checking in on facebook every now and then!).  Can't wait to go back, but I think next time we are going to look into the cabins at the lake.  I'm getting too old for air mattresses!  :)

Grace will make her on-stage debut this weekend in her school play, Aladdin.  She will only be singing and dancing, but all the great actresses start somewhere don't they?!  I don't know if she's cut out for it though....she has cried on a few occasions because the "director" yelled at them or practice was too long and it was stressing her out.  Oy. 

I was drawn in watching "trash tv" last night....The Real Housewives of New Jersey aired on Bravo last night!  Who else was as excited as I was?!?!  Bill wasn't....he went to bed at 6pm last night. Not kidding!  Camping did him in, obviously.  Ok, back to RHoNJ.  What is up with Theresa?  She's let fame get to her head.  I'm sure it would be hard NOT to let it though, really.  My sister and I sit around and talk about them like we know them.  It's absurd.  But I still like it!  :)

To end this post, I'll leave you with a picture of the most beautiful 10 1/2 year old little girl I know!  Have a wonderful day!!

 

A tip that will forever change your life.

If you love to dunk your oreos, that is.  A big thank you goes out to my cousin Tiffani who gave me this awesome idea.  It's so great, I thought everyone would want to know! 

I also had to prove it to my sister that sometimes I actually do something with the random pictures that I take, as silly as they are.  Like a half eaten (not all by me!) bag of oreos, a half a gallon of milk, and a cookie with a toothpick sticking out of it.  As if I have nothing better to do.  :)

 

I'm taking Bill out to dinner tonight, just me and him.  I even made reservations....woah. You'd think that we would have all the time in the world to go out by ourselves, but it rarely happens....we're just not "go-out" people I guess. He is excited, I think. I won't tell him where we are going and it's driving him crazy. 
I spent the morning with Chace, Miles, and my sister, and later Shawn.  We went to a Dr. Seuss book reading at Target, shopped the good will, and had an awesome lunch, followed by catching up on Jersey Shore on her DVR.  Good times.

I have lots of "Ten for Today" posts running in my head, but no time to write them right now.  I'm seriously lacking in my at-least-one-blog-post-a-week new years bucket list goal

Winter Fun!

I receive Disney's Family Fun magazine, which I love.  It's very cheap and has tons of ideas and fun stuff to do.  I found this winter sun catcher craft last year and have been waiting to try it out.  Grace was out of school one day so we decided to make it.  Keep in mind that it's something that will not have instant satisfaction, given the amount of time needed for freezing.  (We are pretty impatient around here and didn't take that into account!).  But, when it was done, it was awesome!!! 
We used one ice cube tray and filled the cubes only half full.  Grace added 1-2 (and sometimes 3-4!) drops of food coloring to each cube.  These need to be frozen first.  We filled a round cake pan with water with a cup near the top for the hole.  I put some water in the cup to....keep it in place, I guess?  I think the directions said to freeze that for about 20 minutes...well we forgot and left it for about an hour.  It wasn't fully frozen yet, but I still had to break the top layer of ice to lay the cubes inside.  Grace shoved the cubes in the cake pan and we put it back in the freezer for a while. 

It popped right out of the cake pan and we tied some ribbon through to hang outside.  Make sure you have a ribbon or string strong enough to hold it....it would be a shame for all that unpatient freezing time to go to waste!!  Make sure you hang it somewhere that it won't matter for the food colored cubes to melt.  I'm not sure what it would do, but I don't want to be responsible for ruining your porch mat....or what have you.  BUT, it did nothing to our concrete font porch.  Aaaaanyway.

While it was hanging outside, we worked on some other crafts and Grace kept running to the front door to watch it melt and quench her thirst.  The funniest thing is that she talked about how good it was and that it tasted like kool-aid.  Ummm, it was only colored water.  Haha!  Kool-aid cubes may not be a bad idea though!  Since our temps here have been unseasonably warm, it didn't last for more than a couple of hours, but was fun while it lasted.  We will definitely be making one of these again...and hopefully it will last longer!  What kind of crafts have you been making lately?!  Check out these fun pics of our Winter Sun Catcher!