I love Pinterest!

I love pinterest and all of the awesome ideas it has given me!  One day I will get around to trying all of the stuff I have pinned.  Key words...one day!  It's hard to imagine how I used to organize the things that I would never get around to before pinterest!  haha  Today though, I decided to try out a tutorial for a drawsting dress for the American Girl dolls that I found on this website right here.  Check this out and watch the video, it's great!  I tweaked it a little bit and made these 2 dresses you see here for about 5 bucks....and I still have some fabric left over!

If you want to try this pattern out, I would suggest making the drawstrings longer, or using ribbon for the straps.  I made the pattern ones, and they were too short.  I improvised and ended up using ribbon, but I'm afraid it's going to fray over time...but I was tired of messing with it!  Also, the pieces you have to sew to go over the armpit(?) [bottom left picture] were a bitch to sew.  I cussed more over those things than anything.  If I sewed more often, it may have been easier....but I did finally get it.

The dress on the doll on the right is made exactly by the pattern (except the drawstrings being ribbon).  The one on the left is the same, except I added some length to it and added a ruffle.  It was a little full looking, so I took a black ponytail holder and put it around the waist to bring it in a little.

I think Grace will be pretty excited about Gracelyn and Alaina's new dresses.  I can't wait for her to try to make her own!

Check out my seamstress help in the picture!  He is an awesome husband!

{I know that it is fall and I need to change my layout - I am working on it!}

Hope you've had a fun weekend!

Not me Monday

It was ::not me:: who went to Kroger this morning in the shirt I wore for pajamas last night!  I would never leave the house in anything but freshly laundered articles of clothing!

It was ::not me:: who just last night (wearing the same shirt mentioned above) had to go take some movies back and threw a jacket on and zipped it up because I didn't want to put a bra on.  I'd never, ever leave the house without a bra!!!

It was ::not me:: who spent 10 minutes swinging on Chace and Miles' swing set yesterday {by myself} while they played in the sand box.  I'm much too big to be playing on children's play equipment!

It was ::not me:: who cried and left my dad's without saying anything the other day because I felt like he was yelling at me in front of a delivery guy about moving my car [though it was his normal tone of voice when he's in "work mode"].  I'm much too old to be offended by a harsh tone from my father and I'd never cry about it!

It was ::not me:: who boo hoo'd watching a movie last night about people having babies.  [What to Expect When You're Expecting].  I'd know what a movie like that would do to me and I'd never torture myself by watching it! It was a pretty good movie!

It was ::not me:: who got scared when someone knocked on the door at 10:30 pm the other night while I was watching tv and chace was sleeping on the bean bag.  It was also ::definitely not me:: who scooped him up and ran him to my bedroom and threw him in the bed with Bill so I could go answer the door -- only to find out it was a pizza delivery girl looking for the address 2 houses away.

It was surely ::not me:: who drug out alllll of my fall/halloween decorations Saturday and left them sitting in the living room by the front door.  I would never drag out a mess and not finish it right away!

So, what about you?  Care to share some of your "not me" moments?  I'd love to hear that I'm not the only unperfect person out there!  :)  Have a wonderful Monday!

Little bit of a Debbie Downer.

My Uncle Jim got some good news and some not so good news.  The good news is that his tumor has shrunk from 5.5 to 2.5.  Bad news is that it is spreading.  Still praying for a miracle.  People say they happen every day....

Several of my friends have commented on facebook on a page for a little 13 year old boy with cancer.  I don't know them at all, but read the page and I broke down.  He is ready to pass and there was an interview with his mother talking about how they've told him it's ok to go if God tells him to.  I.cannot.imagine.the.pain.  I have been weeping for 15 minutes for this little boy and his family.  Hoping he finds his miracle also.... 

We got an email from our case worker that it is time for our monitoring visit.  It is no big deal, but I don't want to do it.  Of course we will because we have to...but I still don't want to; sometimes I just want to give up.  I won't give up, but it's what I feel like doing sometimes.  I feel like we're never going to get a baby and that I'm just wasting time worrying, wondering, and crying.  What in the heck have I done to deserve this wait?  Aghhhhh.

I have been in a pretty foul mood lately.  I get mad at Bill for the stupidest things.  Sometimes he pronounces a word wrong and it gets on my nerves.  If he doesn't have the right expression when I tell him something then I think he's mad....then I get mad....then he gets mad that I'm mad even when he wasn't mad.  See how stupid it is?!  Ugh.

So, how's that for being a Debbie Downer?!  I'll think of a better post for tomorrow....but for now, I'm going to wallow in my own self pity and go to bed.  Tomorrow is a new day!

Weekend visitor....

So, if you read my last post, you know that my Uncle Jim is very sick.  He and his family came up for a quick trip this weekend.  I was so nervous that he would look so sick already and that the visit would be filled with awkward moments, like "I know you're sick but I don't know what to say" moments.  It was anything but that....and for that I am so thankful. 

Being sick sure didn't affect Uncle Jim's un-punctuality.  He was as late as ever.  Kidding, kidding!  Sort of.  :)  I thought he was coming to the parade with us and he showed up a few hours later.  He had a good excuse, though...he was napping.  :)  This is something I have always made fun of him for (and not always behind his back...haha). 

Being sick also did not affect his Grandpa-Kopec-like story telling.  A short story will take forever to tell.



And ever.




And ever.





And then a little bit longer.

But, I have never been happier to hang onto every word he said!

I promise I am not being mean by these little digs at him!  :)  I love you Uncle Jim!

When he finally arrived, we showed him and Aunt Ruth the shop (she had never been there) and headed to dad's to cook on the grill.  We visited, ate, laughed, had a campfire, joked, and had fun.  I took lots of pictures but I always do that anyway.  ;)  It was just like normal.  Except he is sick.    

To me, there was a little aura(?) that hung in the air.  We all knew the filthy, unwelcomed guest was staking residence inside him, and cursed it with unspoken words.   Since things were so "normal" I didn't want to talk about the cancer as not to tarnish the visit.  But, it was still there.  I asked how he was feeling a few times and he assured he was ok, a little worn out, but doing ok.  I talked with Aunt Ruth a little bit about how she felt, but I didn't want to pry.  I can't even imagine.

I did not cry there. I am known as a bit of a cry baby 'round these parts - in every sense of the word, but I kept it together.  Since he looks great and acts the same old Uncle Jim, it was easier.  When I do cry about it, it's when I think of the future.  I don't want him to go through this.  I don't want Aunt Ruth and Shawn to go through this.  I want him to be here when I finally get a baby.  What a miracle that would be.  Miracles happen every day....let's hope and pray for his!  And there were the waterworks.  Excuse me.
Ok, let's end this with some pictures!  Pictures make everything better.  I am loving this pic of me and Uncle Jim.  Then there's Chace and him sitting around the fire talking about monsters, a happy, happy family, Amy and a silly Uncle Jim face, and my dad and his siblings. 















Oh, snap!  Looks like I've ended this just in time to catch some Real Housewives of NJ!  Toodles!

Ten for Today

1.  I don't ask for prayers very often.  BUT, our family could sure use some right now.  My Uncle Jim has been diagnosed with terminal anaplastic thyroid carcinoma.  Cancer.  The word makes me sick.  I've never had to deal with someone I know closely having cancer.   This particular cancer has a very low survival rate and progresses rapidly.  There is no treatment.  He will do radiation treatments to keep it at bay, but they will not cure it.  He is coming to visit this weekend (they live a few hours away) and I hope I can keep it together.  My mind is racing trying to think of things I want to say.  If you would, please say a prayer for him, my Aunt Ruth, and cousin Shawn.  They have a very tough road ahead.

2.  I feel awkward posting anything else on this after #1, but I know Uncle Jim reads my blog sometimes and would enjoy reading other tid bits of my amazing wit!

3.  This is my last week of work (for the Doctor anyway).  I am thankful to have had such wonderful bosses over the last few years.  I can honestly say that no one has doted on me as much as they have.  I believe that I am a good worker, and they have never had a problem telling me that.  Makes you feel really good that people appreciate what you do.  I will miss that and hope that my new boss will appreciate the same.  Ahem, Pam/Dad.  haha

4.  Grace turned 11 last week and we had an awesome week celebrating her birthday.  Yes, a whole week!  :)  We had a family party one week before since it's Bill's birthday that week too, then a slumber party a few days later, and wrapped it up celebrating just the three of us on her actual birthday.  She is a very fortunate little girl and I am so happy that she knows that!  We will be delivering stuff to the local children's shelter that she collected in lieu of birthday gifts from her friends (though they were sweet friends and still brought some things for Grace herself!).  Here's the birthday girl::

 

5.  Grace was telling me about a sub teacher at her school the other day and she said she had botox several times.  I asked her how she knew that - she told me because she looks like one of those ladies on those shows I always watch.  I'm assuming she's talking about The Real Housewives and not The Office.  You think?!  hahaha

6.  If you're broke, don't go to the bar all the time.  That costs a lot of money.

7.  I thought someone broke in our house the other night while we were laying in bed.  I saw a light that I could have sworn was a flash light in the kitchen and I heard "someone" stumbling around.  I shook Bill and woke him up and he assured me it was the dogs.  He quickly fell back to sleep while I laid with my eyes bugged open staring out the bedroom door for an eternity.  Once I was convinced no one was there, I started to drift off - and then I heard a scraping noise.  My eyes flew open and I almost screamed seeing something coming in the bedroom door.  It was a BALLOON from Grace's birthday!!  Good thing I used the bathroom right before bed, I think we could have had a real mess on our hands.  I've GOT to quit watching scary movies!

8.  Bill's grandma passed away last week after a massive stroke.  She had a great life and it was obvious she touched her grandkids' lives.  Since there are only 6 grandkids and 3 of them live farther away, it was nice for them to see each other and remember memories of her.  Bill's Aunt let Grace go through her great grandma's jewelry and pick some things out. She showed me a hair comb that she picked out and informed me that she wants to wear it on her wedding day.  Planning ahead, that's my girl!

9.  I am loving my kindle fire I got for my birthday!  I can't wait for Christmas so I can ask for gift cards so I can buy more books!  I have a problem buying books myself when I could just go to the library!  Woe is me.  :)

10.  Ending this because I am tired.  Found a new blog post title I like today, "If you really know me"....think I may try that one in the future.....stay tuned!

I'm starting to get a complex....

We showed our profile again....and we weren't chosen, AGAIN.  What the heck is the matter with us?! 

I know, I know....there are others waiting too.  Only one family can be chosen.  Our time will come.  We will know why when it happens.  I know.   But I want to know why - now.  Wahhh.

I got the news this morning just as I was starting to take some pictures for a sweet little newborn.  Perfect timing. 

We did not tell anyone about showing our profile this time.  I was so excited, I had it all planned out in my head.  It was going to be a situation like Catelynn and Tyler on Teen Mom, minus Tyler.  We would find out that she chose us and I would scream on the phone and hang up crying happy tears.  I would nonchalantly call our family and invite them over for my famous chicken and dumplins.  That was sure to get everyone here.  We would talk and eat - all the while keeping a secret that we were about to reveal.  I would tell everyone we had a surprise for dessert and do something a little fun to tell them.  What, I don't know, I hadn't thought that far ahead yet.  ;) 

But, one phone call this morning changed that plan.  I took the newborn pictures and then I did what any well disciplined woman on a diet would do.

 I went to Wendy's. 

I did it big.  TWO junior bacon cheeseburgers.  Man, were they good.  They didn't help my heart though.  It still hurts. 

I know another will come along and this just might happen again....or it might not.  We'll see.  I'm strong and I can handle.  But in the mean time, I'm starting to get a complex!

Just some sentences

People who update their facebook status with "fml" really make me crazy.  Do you really have it so bad that you need to say f my life.  No milk for your cereal, so f your life.  Really?

Tomorrow is baby Miles' one year birthday party.  I love that little man so much I can't stand it. 

Ernie visited Grace tonight.  You can read a little about Ernie in this blog post here.  I have always loved Grace's reactions to Ernie, but I am loving them much more now.  I know these days of believing are numbered.  And, no, I don't think she's faking it so it will keep going on.  This girl is a believer!  I hope she always is.

I've been staying up too late again lately.  The Olympics are getting me!  I'm not a fan of watching sports, but there's something about the Olympics that make it awesome!  My favorites are girls gymnastics and diving.  What are yours?

Miles pooped in my living room floor today.  I let him go diaper free for aboooooout one minute and while he was standing by the couch, he dumped me a present.  I screamed, he got scared, stepped in the second one he just left and slipped and fell.  Poop was everywhere.  Chace was screaming and laughing.  Miles was screaming and crying.  I was just screaming.  What a fiasco that was.  After I got the mess cleaned up (bath for baby, cleaner for the floor) Chace told me it still smelled like turds in the living room.  So, we packed up and went to McDonald's to play in the play land (after everyone was cleaned off, of course). 

I don't know where Chace is coming up with some of the things he says lately, but I LOVE it.  Today he said, "Oh my god, you are being so sweet to me I just can't stand it".  Later, while I was trying to figure out how to bathe a poop covered baby, Chace pointed out that there were a lot of turds in the bath tub.  We had to drain and start over.  I think he likes to say "turd".

School is almost here!  I'm ready for this year, hoping it's better than last.  Grace is always excited for school to start, we'll check in in a couple of months and see how excited she is.  I was always ready for school.  Mostly to get away from home when I lived with my mother, then to see my friends when I was a little older.  I also loved new school supplies.  Something about an unmarked notebook and fresh pens.  I think my favorite things were new folders.  I loved organizing my classes.  What was your favorite school supply?!

Need to go get some rest for the big birthday party tomorrow!  Good night!

Men and doctors - and the weirdo in the attic

What is it with men (and some women, I guess) not wanting to go to the doctor?  Seems like the only ones who visit the doctor regularly are......I better not go there....yet.  Let me back up and start this over.

Bill NEVER wants to go to the doctor.  He could have a major fever, snotting his nose off, coughing up a storm...and he refuses to go.  Now, I don't think you need to go for every snot and sniffle either.  But, there comes a point when your "country boy can survive" mentality is not enough. 

Like tonight when he felt like he broke his knee cap.

Want to know how that happened?!  Ok!

So, after supper I was sitting on the couch and kept hearing something.  I told Bill to mute the tv and when he did we heard a scratching in the ceiling.  My very first thought (though very brief) was that I thought I saw the cover to the attic slightly off the other day and what if someone was living in the attic and came out at night?!  Remember a movie like that years ago??  Then that thought went away.  That doesn't happen, right? 

Bill tells me it has to be a mouse.  Eek.  I have to know, and tell him he needs to look up in the attic to check.  He doesn't seem concerned all, so I pester him for what he needs to begin the investigation.  Blah, blah, blah.  I head out to the garage and drag in the small ladder, spot light, and maglite flash light.  The mag lite ends up having dead batteries and the step ladder is too short.  Drats.  I drag it back outside and lug the big ladder inside. 

Bill apparently finds this show humorous and decides to join in.  I bang through the back door to find him standing in the hallway with the spot light in hand and a stainless steel bowl on his head, ready for action!!!  It was pretty funny.  He begins to set up the ladder while I go into the living room to mute the tv again.  As I'm heading back, I heard the biggest crash.  I run to find the ladder on it's side and Bill on the ground.  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!  I asked if he was ok and all he could muster was, "I don't know".  Fast forward a few seconds and he's getting up and there's no blood, so I'm a little relieved. 

The next thing I see is the metal bowl laying in the corner.  "Did you wear the bowl on your head up into the attic???!!"   When he begins to laugh through the pain, I can tell that he did.  Oh boy.

We'll see what tomorrow brings, --lots of sore muscles I'm sure.  Sore knee, ankle, and wrist for Bill and sore stomach muscles for me from laughing so hard at the sight of my honey defending me from the non-existent weirdo in the attic while wearing a stainless steel bowl on his head!

So, long story long - Bill has a swollen wrist, ankle, and knee. He said his knee hurts the worse and refused to go to the hospital. He can barely walk around and says he doesn't need a dr to give him pills and a knee replacement. You know, cause that's exactly what they would do. Ahem.

**And for your added peace of mind, there was no man in the attic - and nothing else he could see for that matter.  :)

True or False?

...Hank is laying beside me on the couch, even though dogs are not allowed on the furniture in our house.

...I have been extremely lazy today.  Aside from mowing and a little laundry, I have done little to nothing.

...I went to the drive through at DQ to get Bill a blizzard and didn't wear a bra.

...I watched a Lifetime Movie today with Tiffany Amber Thiessen....she was much better in Saved by the Bell!

...I still only weigh 5 pounds less than when I did my "disgusted with myself" post.  I may need to work on that a little better.

...Baby Miles will be one year old the day before my birthday.

...Bill eats ice cream faster than anyone I know.

...Grace was a big help at my step sister's baby shower yesterday.

...Chace didn't get something he wanted the other day so he told my sister that he was sad because there wasn't a baby in his belly.  Hmmmm.

...Bill and I will be married for 4 years on Wednesday.

...We were married twice...8/01/08 and 8/02/08.

...Everything I have said is true!  : )

Letting go

As if I didn't need another kick in the pants, today we received a letter from Washington University that it was time for us to renew the cryopreservation of our fertilized embryos - or dispose of them. 

Here is a paper printed picture of a couple of the embryos.  This is the closest my husband and I will ever be to having something that is biologically a part of both of us.




I know that I don't want to do IVF again.  At all.  Unless I was guaranteed it would work (which I pretty much was the first 3 times, and we see how well that turned out), I would never do it again.  We did everything possible (scientifically, anyway) to make sure it would work.....and it was not fun.  For 3 brief periods of time, I knew that I had something inside me, made from both my husband and I that we wanted so badly.  I'll never know why it didn't work, and it still makes me sad.

So, now, it's time to decide if we want to keep what's left in a frozen state or have them disposed of.  I like the thought of having something of ours , but essentially, it's nothing.  Nothing living or breathing anyway.  It all depends on how you want to look at it.  There's no sense in paying $400 to keep them in a frozen hotel when I know we won't use them again.  It's time to let go and move on.  Well, we already have, since we're waiting to adopt.  But, it's time to let go of the biological side of things.  And letting go is hard.

Trip to the Capitol!

Bill suggested Friday that he wanted to take off Saturday and go stay somewhere for the night, since he'd been working so hard.  How can I argue with that?!  I haven't exactly had the best week.  : /  We didn't have anything planned for the summer and school starts in a few weeks, so why not?  We thought of a few different places, but our first choices didn't have any hotel rooms available.  Bill suggested Springfield, so at 9:30 on Friday night, I was booking a room in our state's capitol!

I called Grace's best friend's mom to see if Sam could tag along and thank goodness she said yes!  We would have had a great time just ourselves, but Grace and Sam get along so well, I thought they would both have a great time.  I was right!

We left out Sat morning on our journey to Springfield.  On the way, we stopped at an antique store that used to be an old gymnasium and saw some really quirky stuff....a spaceship/ufo, a pink elephant, a giant man holding an ice cream....really quirky.  Interesting, though!  We made our way into the city and visited the Illinois State Museum, the Abraham Lincoln Museum, and the old Capitol building.  We made our way to the hotel and swam before settling in for the night. 

Today, we went to the "new" capitol building, Lincoln's Tomb, and Lincoln's Home.  We had a great time while the girls learned a bit about Honest Abe.  On the way out of town, we had a nice lunch with my Aunt and Uncle who live in Springfield and did a little catching up with them.

On the 2.5 hour drive home, we listened to the girls in the back plan the business they were going to start - making friendship bracelets.  Their new business will be named "Cutie's Bracelets", and they will sell them for $.75 to $2 each.  They will have bracelets for every season and every cause.  Here's where I should mention neither girl really knows how to make friendship bracelets.   I'm not sure how long this new venture will last!  I did come home though and show grace how to watch youtube videos to learn.  Who knows?  You may soon see a Cutie's Bracelets near you!  :  )

**Every time I say "capitol" I feel like I'm in the Hunger Games!  Did you think that when you read it?  NO?  Well!

Clockwise from top left:  Grace and Sam at the UFO/space ship on the way, Standing with Abe and his family at the Lincoln Museum, sitting on a park bench with Abe, checking out the Lincoln's living room, Giving the ol' evil eye to John Wilkes Boothe, and the girls inside the gymnasium turned antique store (notice the stage in the background?)....Grace is holding a crocheted dress that is just like one my Grandma made for me when I was little.



Grace and Sam just setting foot in Springfield - Bill, Grace, and I at the old capitol, same, Grace and Sam inside the new capitol, and hanging out on the lawn.



Some pics from Lincoln's Tomb, rubbing Abe's nose for good luck (we all know I could use some!!).  I was so glad for the respect the girls showed while there, and the interest they took in all of it.

So, this ends our trip to the capitol.  If you've never been, I suggest you go!  For a tank of gas, you could take a day trip and see a lot of history from Illinois.  A lot of the things are free (we only paid for the Lincoln Museum and parking)!  Who doesn't like free?! 

I hope you had a great weekend as well!  Good night!

Third Shmird.

"Third times a charm" is definitely not the bearer of good fortune in our little family.  3 IVF's, no luck.  3 times our profile shown, no luck. 

Our case worker called this afternoon to let us know that the birth mom chose another family.  Luckily I was at work, or I think I would have had a total melt down.  Though I did shed some tears (along with my boss, bless her heart!) I made it through the rest of the afternoon; sad, mad, irritated, upset.....heart broken for something that wasn't even mine, again.

When my phone finally rang and I saw "private number" my heart skipped a beat.  For the first couple of seconds of the call as she introduced herself, asked how I was, etc - I tried so hard to read the tone of her voice.  Was she excited to be calling me?  Dreading calling me?  Ack!  When she said "just wanted to let you know...." I'd lost all interest in trying to figure her out.  I knew.  And I didn't like what I was hearing.  Whaaaaa!!

For whatever reason, she repeated that the birth mom had chosen another family (like I needed to hear it more than once) and told me our profile would go right back in to be ready for viewing.  Awesome.  So, the flood gates opened and I finished my work on the computer through teary eyes.  I walked out of the room and my boss knew right away.  "Oh shoot" was all she said and I saw her teary eyes too.  I think I managed to mumble that I was ok and for her not to cry.  I hate that she was upset about it, but it's nice to know that others want this so badly for us that they get upset too. 

As the day went on, I was ok until I got home and Bill asked me if I was as bummed as he was.  I told him I couldn't talk about it because I didn't want to cry again.  Something about the words actually coming out of my mouth make it harder. 

So, what do you do after the third time's not your charm?  Wait for the fourth, I guess.  And the fifth, if that's what happens.  Third Shmird.  Who lives a fairy tale like that?  I sure don't.

My sign

As I talked in an earlier post, waiting during adoption stinks.  I don't like it one bit.  Hearing nothing puts me on edge.  And I've noticed for the past week or so, I've been more on edge than usual.

I've been fretting over our 90 day visit looming in the shadows.  That mean 90 days since our last visit with no word.  I always get a little on edge around my birthday also.  Every year, I get sad thinking of how the year before I would cry and say that "next year" would be my year and I would be a mom by my next birthday.  I've been helping with my step sister's baby shower.  Which is no big deal, because I like planning stuff.  It doesn't bother me to do that sort of thing, it just makes me think a little more about babies.  My beliefs were tested.  Bill assured me one night that the man upstairs was taking care of everything.  In a moment of uncertainty(?) and/or rage I told him I didn't know about that.  He just squeezed me and told me he was sure of it.  Every time my phone has rang in the last week, I jump at every number I don't recognize.  But it's never our caseworker........

.....until today.

My heart beat a little faster today when I saw "private number".  When I answered and it was, indeed, our caseworker, I reasoned with myself that she was calling to set up our 90 day visit.  Not so.  She dove in the conversation telling me about a potential birth mom and giving me the info she had for her.  I wrote furiously as she talked and I choked back some tears.  At one point she asked me if I was ok.....I guess it was obvious I was breaking!  I assured her I was ok and that this last week had been very trying for me and that I was just thankful to hear from her.  Even if it doesn't work out, I was {really} just glad to hear from her.   

So, maybe this was my sign.  Just when I think I can't tolerate waiting anymore, there's my sign that I can......even if that sign is just a phone call!  : )

I am more excited about this potential case than the others prior.  It just seems like what we want on all levels!  I don't want to be so excited, but I can't help it!  I try to tell myself that there are at least 15 other couples out there feeling the same way (from our agency).  Of course, not all 15 will be shown, but at the end of this, some of us will walk away broken hearted.  I know how it feels and it STINKS!  Crossing my fingers that we're not broken hearted this time!!!!! 

I'm thinking a lot tonight about the birth mom.  We should know very soon if she chooses us or not, as the baby is due a week from Thursday. Ack!!!   She has a big decision to make in a very small amount of time.  I hope she can find the strength she needs because I know this can not be easy for her. 

Like I told my facebook friends, please cross your fingers, say a prayer, and throw a penny in a fountain and hope that we will be chosen if we are meant to have this baby!  Good night!!

It all stinks!

Our adoption agency has a website for couples who are waiting to adopt to share a very small online profile.  You can view it by clicking here.  Every once in a while I check it -- to see who we're up against.  :)  

The first time someone else was chosen over us was a situation when I was actually relieved we were not picked.  There were SO many issues with so many different things with that case that I think it would have sent me over the edge.  The main problem was a chance that the baby may or may not have a biological father who wanted to parent.  Anyway, a couple of days after we were told we weren't chosen, another couple had the words "matched" across their profile.  The baby was to be due mid June.  I checked the site today, and they are back "on the market".  I don't know them at all, but I feel so bad for them.  They had been matched for at least a couple of months.  I'm not positive that this is the situation, but I'm pretty sure. 

That is a long time to develop an emotional bond with an unborn baby.  I'd imagine they had everything ready, just in case.  This is exactly the reason that I was relieved we weren't chosen that time.  Something told me it wouldn't work out.  We have a baby room, which I currently call the "spare room".  I'd love to get it ready.  Crib, at least.  But, I can't bring myself to do it.   

This wait is getting agonizing.  I have times when I don't give it much thought, then times when I think of it every day.  When I turned 30, I was very upset because I thought for sure I would be a mom by that age.  Every year, same story.  With just a couple of weeks left before another year has completed, I find myself thinking of it more.  *Sigh*

I'm not sure how long the "matched then un-matched" couple has been waiting - but however long, my heart hurts for them tonight.  Waiting stinks.  Having your heart on a teeter totter stinks.  Reading/watching the news about how many children are abused/neglected every day stinks. 

One day my wait will be over and I'll be blogging about cute faces, sleepless nights, and baby poop.  But, for now waiting stinks.

Off the wagon....

I've not only fallen off the wagon, I've been ran over by the wagon....drug behind it, and left on the side of the road!  The sucky thing is that I'm the driver of that wagon and I'm in control.  I was doing well!  I was watching what I ate (which makes me feel a whole lot better when I do) and I even went to an exercise class!    Then I quickly began to fall off the wagon.  Let's take a minute to review this train wreck....

Things were going great pretty good.  My eating habits were improving.  As I mentioned, I went to an exercise class (body pump - which was awesome....more on that later) last Tuesday.  Wednesday was the 4th of July and I seem to think that any holiday gives me permission to eat myself silly.  That should have been the end of it....but it wasn't.  Thursday I was so sore, I didn't want to move.  I made it through work and came home to do nothing cause I could hardly move!  Friday, I guess since I had exercised 3 days prior, I felt I deserved to treat myself to McDonald's while taking Chace to play.  Saturday we went to St Louis with the kids so Chace could visit Build a Bear and had to eat out.  I have been on a downward spiral since.  I discovered Nutella the other day.  Big mistake.  Huge. 

I am weak.  Insanely weak.  I often wonder if it's really that hard for people to quit smoking.  I did it for a while and decided it was really gross, so I quit.  Not a problem.  Said I was done and didn't pick up another one.  But, it was not my addiction, so it was not hard.  Food is this awful addiction that I have and I can semi-relate to their smoking addiction.  I eat to celebrate.  I eat when I'm sad.  When I'm mad.  When I'm bored.  Or when I feel I deserve it.  How absurd.  Gahhhhh.   

I haven't blogged this last week.  I lost my accountability.  Boo.  I'm baaaack!  Back on the wagon that I've fallen off of.   Can't promise there won't be any road rage on my trip though, cause this sucks!  But I can do it!!!  :)

Now, on to that body pump class.  Pam had mentioned us going for a while, so I called and got us into a class one evening.  I was so nervous.  I had never been to a class, other than the one that takes place in my living room with the wii as the instructor, or in the playroom at my sister's house where there was hardly any room to move around.  A real, bona-fide exercise class!  I was very nervous about being the biggest girl in the class.  Indeed, I was, but it didn't bother me like I thought it would.  Apparently, the sought after spots are in the back.  Duh.  We didn't get a spot in the back.  Front and center.  Nice.  People were hurrying in there to get their spots - it was like a mad house.  We finally got an instructor to tell us what we needed and got our stuff set up. 

For the next hour and fifteen minutes, I lifted weights, lunged, pushed myself, got red faced, farted twice (though the music was so loud no one heard), got wobbly legged, made my heart pump faster, and bettered myself.  It was great!  Though I felt very self conscious, I'm glad I went.  There were definitely a couple of "cliques" of people, but I didn't feel threatened like I thought I would.  I need to go back, and I will go back.  I need some new clothes to go.  I wasn't very comfortable in my t shirt and capri length cotton pants.  Sounds stupid, I know, but it's not enough to stop me.  Maybe when I lose another 5 pounds, I'll buy some new exercise shorts or something. 

Back on that wagon.

Here's a heavily photoshopped photo of me and my favorite little 11 month old.  By heavily photoshopped, I mean Aunt Lisa got rid of a lot of few wrinkles, played with some teeth whitening, and popped our eyes!  A wagon driver has to look her best! 

Good night!!  :)

Where does your motivation come from?

As of this morning, I was down 4 pounds.  Given my lack of almost complete focus this weekend, I’m proud of myself.  I know I can do better and I must get in exercise mode.  I know that is what works for me the best, but I still have that lazy bone in me.  Bah.  I need to find that constant source of motivation.  Where does your motivation come from?  Not just for weight loss/health...but for anything.  Smoking, road rage,  grammar correction (maybe that's just me!).....where do you get your motivation to help you focus on things you have a problem with?  I need help.

Tonight's episode of The Real Housewives of OC was awesome.  A great finale, for sure.  I can't wait for the reunion....lots of screaming, yelling, and finger pointing I'm sure!  I'm anxious to get my hands on a copy of this book:



Aren't you?????  :)

Grace is spending the night with her Pa Pa Jerry tonight (he lives in the country).  She called me around 9:30 and said she was scared.  By the end of our conversation, she was yawning while telling me about the awesome supper he fixed and how he snores just like her daddy!  I told her if she wasn’t asleep in 15 minutes to call me back….and I haven’t heard from her since.  I think she’ll make it!

Nerd Alert!!!!  You know how I was so giddy because the library called me?  Well, the book that came in was the third in the Hunger Games series….I am still waiting on the second one!  How disappointing.  I don’t want to read them out of order.  Reh.

I wish the adoption agency would call us with some good news.  It’s been over a year since we started the adoption process.  I know some people wait years, but I’m just being impatient.  We’ll be coming up on another home monitoring visit (to make sure we are still up to snuff) and I dread it every time.  Not for any bad reason, just because it’s a reminder that we still don’t have a baby, but they’re making sure we are ready and everything is still non-hazardous.  As if.

That's all for tonight, folks.  Anything you'd like to hear me talk about?  I am witty and interesting, after all.  Bahaha!   Also, don't forget to tell me your source of motivation.  I'm curious!  Good night!

I just wrote a very long, very witty blog post.  When I tried to publish it, it vanished. 

 I am too beat to type it all out again.  Reh.

To summarize:

::I've done ok on my diet, I need to start exercising, and I will weigh in with myself tomorrow::

::We went to the American Girl store Saturday and Grace had the best time and is in love with her doll, Gracelyn:: 

::I got stuck in the bathroom at my dad's with no toilet paper while everyone was outside swimming.  I contemplated using one of Miles' diapers from the trash (only wet) and decided against it.  After 25 minutes, I was rescued!::

::Has anyone done the 30 day shred?  I'd love to talk myself into starting it::

::Grace is looking through my external hard drive pictures and it taking her own little trip down memory lane...I love it!::

::I am tired and irritated that my last post is gone!  Good night!::

 

 

Ten for Today

1.  I have a headache.  I'm fairly certain that it's from lack of sugar.  I love sweets.  I love candy.  Cupcakes, cookies, ding dongs, laffy taffy, kit kat's, and donuts.  That's part of the reason I weigh 198 pounds.  No more!  Well, maybe later down the road, in moderation of course!

2.  I got all giddy today when I had a voicemail from the library that my copy of the Hunger Games part 2 that I requested was in.  My sister rolled her eyes at me.

3.  Miles and Chace were so good today.  Miles has been very clingy to me the last couple of days, but I'm not gonna complain!  He is getting very funny and is so full of little people personality. 

4.  Chace spent the night with my dad and Pam last night; it was the first time he'd stayed anywhere but here.  Apparently, he loved it.  He told me today that when he gets bigger, he's moving in with Grandma Pam.  Amy said she'll be moving in too!  Haha

5.  Today is Grace's first day back from church camp.  I always wanted to go to camp when I was younger.  Not church camp, just camp.  I always thought it would be so fun to get letters from home and meet boys who I would "go out with" for two or three days and swear that I was in love.  Anyone ever watch Camp Cucamonga with DJ from Full House, Urkel, Winnie, and Jennifer Aniston?   Check out a youtube video here!  I looooved that movie.  That was the kind of camp I wanted.  A friend of mine lived at the Modern Woodmen camp in our little town and I thought that was so cool.  Anyway, I never got to go to camp.  How sad.  I wish there was an adult camp....you know, that didn't require that you had an addiction to drugs or something. 

6.  Grace has a friend spending the night tonight.  They both just got back from camp today (they were there together) and obviously are not tired of each other!  They haven't had TV all week and are glued to the big screen!

7.  I just spent 20 minutes watching Camp Cucamonga videos on youtube.  Really.

8.  I'm pretty sure we are going to Key West for my dad and Pam's wedding.  Who's excited?  This girl right here....and not just for the vacation!  I'm so glad that my dad has found someone so great who loves him and all of us.

9.  I'm dying to go for a pedicure.  I've only had one in my life and it was during the winter!  I think I may have to go do that tomorrow.

10.  I'm curious to read Fifty Shades of Gray and see what all the fuss is about!

And one for the road!  Here's a picture of Grace and her Grandpa Jerry (Bill's Dad) playing cards....something they do every time she is at his house!  He's such a good grandpa!

Good Night!!

Toot! Toot!

So, today wasn't so bad.  I had some life cereal for breakfast (not the best choice, but not the worst!).  For a snack I had a serving size of roasted almonds.  [I bought the big wal-mart brand bag and divided it into portion sizes in small baggies.  Perfect to grab out of the snack drawer.]  For lunch, I had a small bowl of left over homemade chicken and noodles and some baby carrot sticks with light ranch.  This is one of my favorite snacks.  Beware though, the brand that wal-mart sells (Bolthouse farms) is not very good.  They're not awful, just not my favorite.  For supper, again not the best choice, but I had one salisbury steak, corn, and a little stuffing.  Waaaay less portions than what I would normally eat too.  I grabbed a few almonds out of a baggie and ate a few grapes and couple of strawberries while I was cutting fruit to finish the night off. 
I'd cut off a toe for a Hershey's with almonds right now.  Or a crunch dipped cone from DQ.  Mmmmm.  Stop it!!!

Today was a little longer day than usual at work, and my staying up til 1am the night before didn't help.  After I fixed supper {and after I indulged in Real Housewives of Orange County --"She took the bow off my cake and ate it!"--come on, who's with me here?!?!} I had to think reallllly hard about getting off the couch just to go get the exercise ball from Grace's closet.  After watching a few minutes of Million Dollar Listing, I knocked the dust off the ball and brought it to the living room.  I sat on it while I watched until a commercial....then finally started doing some sit ups.  After about 40, I'd let out enough toots I could have been a musician in my own fatty exercise band.  Yep, I said that.  That is why I don't go to the gym.  Yeah, yeah...everything is just an excuse.  Tell me that the girl on the exercise machine tooting won't be distracting.  That's what I thought. *Good thing my dad doesn't read here.... I can hear it now, "Liiiisa!!"

Ok, so then I make my way to the floor and decide to try something I saw on pinterest or somewhere.  I hold this giant ball between my legs {sincker, snicker} at my ankles and go from side to side and up and down.  I don't care what you think, you can really feel that crap!  Bill came in the living room to see what all the grunting was about! 

Mmmmm, snickers.  Stop!!

So, that's it for this fatty for today.  I've gotten a lot of encouraging words from friends in the last 24 hours.  Some of you are having the same struggles and I wish you the best of luck also, when you're ready.  Grab that ball and do some crunches....just make sure you're by yourself...you know why.  :)

Aside from all of this stuff, we are still waiting on adoption.  Every day I am reminded that we are still waiting for someone to choose us.  *Sigh*   That decision is a lot harder than I can ever imagine, so I am patient.  Patient because somewhere, someone is trying to decide who they want to raise their baby while I am trying to get rid of 50 pounds.  My problems seem insignificant.

Grace is at church camp this week.  She asked us to send her letters, so we sent cards.  I sent a balloon in mine that I had written a little note on.  I hope she liked it.  She called Bill tonight from camp crying because she missed him.  Only a couple more days and we'll get to see her!  Can't wait to hear her stories.

Bill has been on the phone with a friend from work for about an hour, talking about work.  Lame.  And funny.  What men talk on the phone for an hour?!  haha  I'm signing off for now, hope you have a wonderful night and an awesome tomorrow!!  :)

Seriously?! I can do this!!

Wowza.  I haven't blogged in a long while. So, let's start off with something heavy.  Literally.

See what I mean?  Literally!  After I posted this picture to facebook, a friend of mine commented how I blasted myself.  Say what?!  I didn't know what that meant!  Pretty much that I put that out there to intentionally embarrass myself....which is exactly what I was doing!  :) 

I care a lot (most of the time) about what other people think about me.  I also care about what I think about me too.  Putting myself out there about my biggest insecurity seemed the best way to hold myself accountable.  We'll see how this approach works.

I have always been a bigger person.  Biggest person in my family, biggest one out of my friends, biggest one at work.  It's just how it always was.  It always bothered me a little, but never enough to feel that I needed to do anything about it.  I ate what I wanted, when I wanted.  Sure, I was out of breath walking anywhere, but I felt ok.  What a way to live, right?  Hmph.

My husband is an amazing person who assures me every day how beautiful I am....and I believe him that he means it.  I am one lucky lady.  Last year, after we ended our IVF treatments I weighed the most I had ever weighed; 203 pounds.  He would still tell me every day how great I was.  Lucky, I tell ya!  But, I was miserable.  Even my "fat clothes" were not very comfy.  I was starting to get a sharp pain in my chest every once in a while.  I made a pretty heavy "uffda" sound while rolling off  getting up from the couch.  One of our old lady patients asked me when I was having my baby.  Seriously.

It was time for a change.  March of last year, I called my dr. and made an appt to talk about weight loss.  My cholesterol was kind of high, my triglycerides were VERY high, and I weighed a lot.  We talked about eating right and exercising.  She showed me an awesome website, www.myfitnesspal.com.  She prescribed me an appetite suppressant (diet pill, if you will) to take for a month.  I started the medicine and immediately, my appetite was suppressed.  I had energy to exercise.  I began walking in the mornings and exercising on the elliptical.  I worked my way up to 250 sit ups a day.  I started to notice my body changing, as well as the numbers on the scale after a couple of weeks.  When I went back for my month checkup, I had lost 16 pounds.  She told me that was too much too fast, even though I was eating 1800 calories a day (thanks to myfitnesspal!).  I had started taking 1/2 a pill instead of a whole and continued for about 2 more weeks.  

At that point, I noticed they weren't really working for my appetite anymore.  I wasn't starving like I used to be all the time, but I could just tell they weren't doing their magic anymore.  At that point though, I was in a groove.  Exercise, eat right, be happier and healthier.  And my weight continued to come off.  I kept the remaining meds I had for about another month when I hit a plateau and tried them for a couple days again.  Still not helping, so I flushed what I had left.  I knew I could do this myself.  I worked myself from 203 pounds to 169 pounds in 4 1/2 months.  I managed to keep steady around 173 pounds and I was happy with that.  I felt great!   I hadn't reached my final goal, but I had reached my first goal (175 pounds). 

UNTIL....we went on vacation (June/July).  I still did all right on vacation.  I exercised a couple of times at the hotel.  I ate ok, given the fact we were on vacation!  When we came back, I started slipping.  And slipping.  By my birthday in August, I had gained back some and was hanging around 180 pounds.  What I wouldn't give to be 180 right now.  Ahem.  Slipping and slipping.  We were in the middle of adoption paperwork and home study and caseworker visits.  And slipping.  The holidays came and went and I was starting to give up.  I joined a "biggest loser" challenge with my cousins and sister.  I didn't even try.  Food was too good.  From that point on, I have given up, telling myself I will start again one day.  I can't even begin to tell you how many weekends I have over-indulged, swearing that "My diet will start Monday!!!"  Yeah right!

Well, today, Tuesday June 19, 2012 - is my Monday.  In the set of pictures above, the top right picture is from tonight at a ballgame.  Today I got this cute haircut....and it doesn't look cute on a fat face.  I can control that.  I have the power to change that face.  I have the power to not have to stretch out every single shirt I own before I put it on.  I have the power to not have to buy clothes that have an X in the size.  I have the power to not loop a rubber band through my pants waist so they will fit better.  I can control my health.  I just have to do it.

My goal is simple, but the hardest thing for me to do.  Eat better.  Exercise.  I want to start out by losing 18 pounds in 6 weeks.  3 pounds a week.  I'll try.  This time I will, because I know how "healthier" feels.  And I know I can do it.  My plan is to update my blog with my progress. I hope that by putting my insecurities out there I will be held more accountable for my actions.  Let's hope so!  I can do this! 

She's growing up....

And this picture proves it.  Don'tcha think?
*Sigh*

 

It's coming!

So, if you follow me on facebook, you're familiar with what's going on with adoption waiting....nothing!  We have a new caseworker, our profile was shown again and they chose another family, and I'm going crazy handling it all like a champ!  I don't like the idea of switching caseworkers, but these things happen.  The caseworker position with the agency has been taken to a part time position, but we were told that this shouldn't affect our situation at all....only those that are just coming to the agency to get started. 

I know they mean well, but it is hard to hear caseworkers remind me that we've "only" been waiting since November.  Only.  Never mind the months it took to get licensed, the ill fated start with another agency, three tries at IVF, and the trying before that.  Only since November though.

We've heard many kind words from friends lately.  Some of my favorites come from my friend Liz, who has also faced infertility and who has a wonderful little girl through adoption.  I appreciate everyone's kind words....but especially hers!  It's wonderful to hear reassurance from someone who's been in our exact place.

  From Liz:  {I know how hard it is to wait. I understand the heart ache... and, you are doing great. Just hang in there... it's coming. It's going to happen. It's not a matter of IF it will happen, it's WHEN it will happen. And when it does, all of this waiting and wondering will be a distant thought. You'll look at that baby's sweet, little face and say "Ah yes, there it is. There's the reason I had to wait. I see it now."}

So, we still wait.  But, I rest assured, because in the wise words of my friend Liz, it's coming!

Just some sentences

I'm thinking of combining our adoption blog with this one.  I get torn on which blog I want to write on when I feel like blogging and then I just don't end up doing either.  So, I think I am going to print the posts that I have on that blog (for a keepsake) and I will continue any adoption posts right here!

Speaking of adoption, we are having our profile shown again!  I don't want to get my hopes up, so I won't.  Yea, right.  There's less risk (well, just risk of a different sort) involved with this one, so that's nice.

Bill and I went camping this weekend and I loved it!  We haven't been in a few years, I had forgotten how much fun it was!  It was a little cooler than I'd have really liked, BUT, it wasn't 90 degrees so I won't complain.  I got to read an entire book, had hot dogs for dinner AND breakfast, and enjoyed nature (while checking in on facebook every now and then!).  Can't wait to go back, but I think next time we are going to look into the cabins at the lake.  I'm getting too old for air mattresses!  :)

Grace will make her on-stage debut this weekend in her school play, Aladdin.  She will only be singing and dancing, but all the great actresses start somewhere don't they?!  I don't know if she's cut out for it though....she has cried on a few occasions because the "director" yelled at them or practice was too long and it was stressing her out.  Oy. 

I was drawn in watching "trash tv" last night....The Real Housewives of New Jersey aired on Bravo last night!  Who else was as excited as I was?!?!  Bill wasn't....he went to bed at 6pm last night. Not kidding!  Camping did him in, obviously.  Ok, back to RHoNJ.  What is up with Theresa?  She's let fame get to her head.  I'm sure it would be hard NOT to let it though, really.  My sister and I sit around and talk about them like we know them.  It's absurd.  But I still like it!  :)

To end this post, I'll leave you with a picture of the most beautiful 10 1/2 year old little girl I know!  Have a wonderful day!!

 

A tip that will forever change your life.

If you love to dunk your oreos, that is.  A big thank you goes out to my cousin Tiffani who gave me this awesome idea.  It's so great, I thought everyone would want to know! 

I also had to prove it to my sister that sometimes I actually do something with the random pictures that I take, as silly as they are.  Like a half eaten (not all by me!) bag of oreos, a half a gallon of milk, and a cookie with a toothpick sticking out of it.  As if I have nothing better to do.  :)

 

I'm taking Bill out to dinner tonight, just me and him.  I even made reservations....woah. You'd think that we would have all the time in the world to go out by ourselves, but it rarely happens....we're just not "go-out" people I guess. He is excited, I think. I won't tell him where we are going and it's driving him crazy. 
I spent the morning with Chace, Miles, and my sister, and later Shawn.  We went to a Dr. Seuss book reading at Target, shopped the good will, and had an awesome lunch, followed by catching up on Jersey Shore on her DVR.  Good times.

I have lots of "Ten for Today" posts running in my head, but no time to write them right now.  I'm seriously lacking in my at-least-one-blog-post-a-week new years bucket list goal

Winter Fun!

I receive Disney's Family Fun magazine, which I love.  It's very cheap and has tons of ideas and fun stuff to do.  I found this winter sun catcher craft last year and have been waiting to try it out.  Grace was out of school one day so we decided to make it.  Keep in mind that it's something that will not have instant satisfaction, given the amount of time needed for freezing.  (We are pretty impatient around here and didn't take that into account!).  But, when it was done, it was awesome!!! 
We used one ice cube tray and filled the cubes only half full.  Grace added 1-2 (and sometimes 3-4!) drops of food coloring to each cube.  These need to be frozen first.  We filled a round cake pan with water with a cup near the top for the hole.  I put some water in the cup to....keep it in place, I guess?  I think the directions said to freeze that for about 20 minutes...well we forgot and left it for about an hour.  It wasn't fully frozen yet, but I still had to break the top layer of ice to lay the cubes inside.  Grace shoved the cubes in the cake pan and we put it back in the freezer for a while. 

It popped right out of the cake pan and we tied some ribbon through to hang outside.  Make sure you have a ribbon or string strong enough to hold it....it would be a shame for all that unpatient freezing time to go to waste!!  Make sure you hang it somewhere that it won't matter for the food colored cubes to melt.  I'm not sure what it would do, but I don't want to be responsible for ruining your porch mat....or what have you.  BUT, it did nothing to our concrete font porch.  Aaaaanyway.

While it was hanging outside, we worked on some other crafts and Grace kept running to the front door to watch it melt and quench her thirst.  The funniest thing is that she talked about how good it was and that it tasted like kool-aid.  Ummm, it was only colored water.  Haha!  Kool-aid cubes may not be a bad idea though!  Since our temps here have been unseasonably warm, it didn't last for more than a couple of hours, but was fun while it lasted.  We will definitely be making one of these again...and hopefully it will last longer!  What kind of crafts have you been making lately?!  Check out these fun pics of our Winter Sun Catcher!

Ten for Tuesday!

1.  Soooo, the whole keeping up with my blog at least once a week?  Yeah.

2.  I've got a cold.  It really stinks.  I'm thinking it has something to do with this crazy warm weather we're having in January.  Where's the snow?!!?  I am thankful that it's just a small cold though.  Knock on wood.  Last year, while going through my IVF's, my immune system was pretty non existent and I was sick a lot.  A lot, a lot. 

3.  We're going to a murder mystery dinner this weekend.  It's something we've always wanted to do.  So when The Night's Shield children's shelter posted that they were having one for a fundraiser, we decided we had no better reason to go to one!  So, we will spend the evening with my brother, sister, and cousin (and their spouses).  Can't wait!

4.  Teen Mom again tonight!  I feel bad for the girl trying to get some child support.  Some guys think they don't need to pay it.  I know of so many women who don't get a dime they are ordered to pay.  It's sad. 

5.  I had to hem some jeans because they were too long.  I wish I could hem some jeans in the waist because they were too tight.  I can dream, right?

6.  Grace and I have skype on our laptops and we skyped from bedroom to bedroom.  Then we got the crazy idea to skype my sister....who lives a few blocks away!  Her, Shawn, and the boys were piled on the couch talking back and forth with us.  The funny thing is that they had just left our house an hour before!  Haha!

7.  We've been "window shopping" for me a new car.  The plan is to trade Bill's truck in, he'll drive my car as a work car, and buy him a cheap truck.  We'll see.  I've never really shopped for a car before, it's pretty exciting!  I liked a Honda CRV that I drove this weekend, though I'm not completely sold on them.  My boss (and friend!) Paulette posted this awesome Honda super bowl commercial!  Hoping that we'll got to browse a little this weekend!

8.  Yet another night that Bill lays in bed rattling the windows with his snoring.  It's making me insane!  I just tried to get him to roll over...and of course he gets mad being woke up from sleeping....but told me that "he knows that it's ten til and that's what the Lincoln was for".  Oooookay......

9.  I got my haircut from my cousin Heidi at Salon Bliss and it's awesome!  I love her....and not just because of the awesome haircut.  She's such a good person!

10.  Grace wanted me to put some pictures on her laptop tonight so I hooked up my external hard drive and she was browsing pictures.  We came across our family reunion vacation pictures from Las Vegas and Utah.  It seems like it was so long ago.  Vacation, how I miss you.  I'd go back to Vegas tomorrow if I could!  It was fun looking back at pics and remembering the fun things we did and times had.  No matter how much people make fun of me for always having my camera and taking so many pics, I am always thankful I do that because of times like this!!

Ten for Tuesday

1.  I think of all kinds of things I want to blog about, but when the time comes, I can't find the ideas.

2.  I'd love to write on our adoption blog, but I really don't know what to write about over there.  I'm really trying to not think about it,  so not sure what to say....other than I'm tired of waiting....surprise, surprise!

3.  What is it with this silly addiction I have to the most crazy reality shows.  I love me some Teen Mom, Jersey Shore, Ax Men, and Real Housewives of Anywhere.  They are such time wasters, but are my guilty pleasure!

4.  Grace is going to be in a play through her school in a couple months.  She'll only be singing, but she's very excited.  She's joining the chorus too, which is great, because she has a pretty good little voice!

5.  Bill is laying next to me snoring so badly.  I can't stand it.  He tells me if I'd just go to sleep it wouldn't bother me.  I can't help it that I stay up later...much like he can't help that he snores like crazy!  Gahhhhhhh.  I'm thinking it's not natural to want to punch your husband in the face while he's sleeping.  I'm so ashamed!  I reeeeeeally do love him!  No, really!!

6.  I've lost 8.5 pounds without a {whole} lot of effort.  I wish I could find the energy/motivation to exercise.  I did so well when I exercised before and I felt good!  It will come to me, I'm sure of it!  Just wish it would come sooner rather than later!

7.  I was cleaning out files from the last year and came across some invoices I had questioned from Washington University St Louis from the last IVF I did.  Since my insurance did not pay for IVF, we (my dad) had to pay for everything up front.  They also went ahead and billed my insurance for some stuff and my insurance paid it.  So, one of the fees has been paid twice.  WU says they accidentally billed the insurance and they would be giving them a refund.  Insurance says they should give me a refund.  This was from November 2010 and it's still not taken care of!  It's only a little over $500, but I don't think they should just be sitting on it.  I'd like to just forget about it and throw all the papers away, but I'm not happy with how they've handled the situation and refuse to give up.   I wonder how many times this happens that people don't catch it?!

8.  Getting my hair cut by my cousin Heidi this weekend.  The first time she cut it, she had just started cosmetology school.  It didn't turn out quite like I had hoped!  But, she has gotten pretty awesome and I can't wait to have her cut my hair again!  I'm ready to lose this long hair and go with something a little more fun!

9.  I hate when I am eating a 100 calorie pack of something or other and eat the.very.last.one. without even knowing it.  When I reach in the bag and it's empty I'm upset that I didn't take time to thouroughly enjoy the last one....anyone else get worked up over this??  I mean, you only have limited snacking with the small packs anyway....and if you don't get to savor that last bite??  Well, it's just....tragic.  Yes, I know there are far more important things to worry about.  Like Vinny leaving the Jersey Shore.  Ahem.

10.  Our winter has been insanely crazy!  We had a nearly 30 degree temperature drop today.  That's what the guy on tv said, anyway.  I've not actually took the time to check on the outside thermometer.  Isn't that what he's for?!  :)  It's been a very mild winter so far, which has been nice and given us some beautiful days, but I'm ready for some big snow!  

How 'bout you?!

Today...

...Grace's unsung hero video was posted on the news channel website.  She's going to be so excited when she watches the news tonight!  I cannot thank everyone enough for their donations to the kids at the shelter!
...I am watching my nephews Chace and Miles like I do every Friday - and I am thankful for these special days when it's just me and them. 
...Not so special was the blow out that Miles had in his diaper this morning while he was in his jump-a-roo. 
...It kind of reminded me of last Friday when Chace was standing at the toilet to pee and said, "Aunt Lisa, I think I pooped in your floor"  YOU WHAT?!  I turn the corner and sure enough a little turd is plopped in the floor right behind him.  He said he didn't know he had to poop also.  Hmm.
...sometimes you don't believe something but you just have to keep your mouth shut.  This is hard for me, but I do it!
...Grace has been doing great with her cell phone.  She has been very responsible with is so far and I am grateful.  Knock on wood.
...It's cold here.  There's a dusting of snow, but it isn't enough to make a snowball like Chace so desperately wants to do!
...Grace has a math test that Bill forgot to study with her on.  I'm sure she will do great anyway though.  She had all A's on her midterm that she got this week and has a 5.0 GPA!
...Miles has bronchitis and has to use a nebulizer....poor baby.
...Chace wants to spend the night tonight and go to the library.  This makes me happy!!  NO, we are not nerds!!  :)
...I spend a lot of time worrying about Bill traveling to and from work.  I have no idea why! 
...It's about time to get the seat to the jump-a-roo out of the dryer now that it's been washed and de-stinkified!
...I worry about Tommy girl because I think one of her tumors on her belly is slowly growing.  She never acts like she's bothered by anything though.  She's almost 13 and gets around like a puppy!  I don't even want to think about it.
...I am using Grace's laptop because mine is allll the way across the house.  Our house is not big. 
...I'm hoping to have a great weekend and hope you do too!!

Our Hero! Warning....long post!!! :)

Mid-November, The Night's Shield children's shelter posted on their facebook page that they were in urgent need of pajamas. They asked if anyone would be willing to do a pajama drive.  I sent them an email to ask if anyone could do it or if it had to be a business. They quickly replied that anyone could, and I asked Grace if she would be willing to do one. She instantly said yes, before she really even understood what the shelter was. The next day I spoke with their creative director and she had the vice president of the shelter call Grace and explain all about the shelter. After that, Grace was really excited to host a pajama drive, and from that, the Sweet Dreams Pajama Drive was started.

We had never done anything "big" like this before.  We talk with Grace quite a bit about how she is fortunate and how it is important to help others.  For her last 2 birthdays she collected school supplies and pet supplies from her friends instead of gifts to donate, but as far as reaching the masses and trying something bigger - we were clueless. We made fliers, made a facebook event page, and used word of mouth. For the first time trying, we didn't do too bad!

The generosity of others has floored me. It was Christmas time when we did this and I know it can be rough sometimes to provide for your own families. But, the pajamas kept coming! With the help of our families, friends, and even some people we didn't know, the donations totaled 117 pairs of pajamas! She had set her first goal at collecting 50 pair and met that in a week! Every time a donation would come in, Grace would do a "woo hoo" and make sure we marked it down so she could keep count. She would comment on her favorite pairs about how she was sure that a child at the shelter would really like them.

When we called the shelter to turn them in over Grace's Christmas break, they told me there would be a lady from them newspaper there to interview Grace. She was excited about that - you can read that article right here!. She was more excited when there were 3 pictures of her in the newspaper along with her article!

Last week, the vice president of the shelter called me and said she had some exciting news. Our local news station had called her because they had several emails from people nominating Grace to be the unsung hero for the week. The unsung hero is usually someone who does a good deed, helps others, etc. This was exciting news, as Grace had made one of her New Year's resolutions "to be on TV". ha! When she got home from school, I told her one of her resolutions was going to come true already. Seeing as how the other one was to be an "inernashaniel rock star" and we knew that one wasn't here just yet, she was bug-eyed when she realized she was going to be on tv. I explained to her what an unsung hero was, and that it was an honor. I know she understands, but I don't know how much she understands that it means. One day she will really know. I had to pick her up from school Monday during class (much to her dismay - right) and take her to the shelter where the news anchor and camera man met us there. Grace said she was nervous but she sure didn't show it!

They asked her great questions, and being 10 years old, I know she didn't give the answers an adult would have given but she did very well! She made me tear up a little when she was talking about the kids at the shelter and how it made her feel to collect everyone's donations help them. Then, little did I know, they wanted to interview me also. Me - dressed in my scrubs, ready to go back to work as soon as it was over - me. Yeah. I am not a camera person. While I think sometimes I can write pretty ok, I am not a speaker. In no way, shape, or form. I blubbered like a fool. I cried when they asked what we would want people to know about Grace. I left out things that later I wished I would have said. And, I asked them to keep my part to the bare minimum if they had to put it in there at all!  Grace definitely interviews much better than I do! 

When they asked Grace if she felt like a hero, the answer most people would give is no....she proudly said yes! While I think the real heroes are all of those who graciously donated pajamas, I do think Grace is a hero all her own! She wouldn't have been able to do this if it weren't for all of the donations from wonderful people. I was very proud of her though for doing this so selflessly. She never once asked what she would get in return. She never wanted to know what we would do for her if she did it. She jumped on the wagon and took the reigns. For that, she is my hero and I am so proud of her!  

WSIL news anchor, Emily Eddington, the Executive Director of The Night's Shield, Judy Davis, and the Director of Development for The Night's Shield, Shawna Williams.  If you are in our local area, you can catch Grace on News Channel 3 this Friday at 6 and 10! 

When you see anyone (especially a child) making an effort, helping someone, even if it's holding open a door for someone else....recognize that. Let them know that it's appreciated! People helping people....makes this a happier place!

{Project Jean Purse}

Grace has been interested in sewing for a while now. We've made a small pillow for her room and she's watched me hem a few pair of pants, but that's about as far as our sewing lessons have went. She's been wanting to sew on her own and I've been a little nervous to let her do it herself, but she is 10 now and knows so much more than she did when she was 9. Riiiight. Anyway, I asked friends what a good project would be and a few suggested a jean purse out of an old pair of jeans. I looked it up on Pinterest and found this great blog for a jean purse tutorial. <=== Click that link to go to it! We made a very minor adjustment on the strap to make it lay a little more flat, and Grace was very excited about how it turned out. I think if we do another one, I will make my own tutorial, just for fun!

We used a pair of Justice jeans (Grace's favorite brand of clothes right now). I found these jeans at a yard sale this summer for an awesome $6. They looked like they had only been worn a couple of times and since they didn't fit Grace, they were going to go into the yard sale tub. So glad they were still hanging in the closet! Grace did most of the cutting with the exception of cutting over the thick parts. I did let her do most of the sewing and she loved it! [On a side note, I have such a hard time getting started sometimes. It takes me forever to get the bobbin thread situated right and there's always a catastrophe to get the sewing actually started. Once I get it right, I can sail along...until I run out of bobbin thread! Also, my thread wants to bulk up on the back side of whatever I'm sewing. Any thoughts on this? I'm going to blame my machine (and not the fact that I am self taught on what I do know how to do) for the majority of my problems! haha] Here are a few pics of the work in progress:




And some pics of the final product! I saved the ribbon from a pair of clearance pajamas I got at Justice last year and it has finally served it's purpose as the perfect "belt" for this jean purse. I knew I kept it for a good reason! :)


Hope your first week of 2012 has been great! 1 down 51 to go! How's your 2012 bucket list coming along?!