It all stinks!

Our adoption agency has a website for couples who are waiting to adopt to share a very small online profile.  You can view it by clicking here.  Every once in a while I check it -- to see who we're up against.  :)  

The first time someone else was chosen over us was a situation when I was actually relieved we were not picked.  There were SO many issues with so many different things with that case that I think it would have sent me over the edge.  The main problem was a chance that the baby may or may not have a biological father who wanted to parent.  Anyway, a couple of days after we were told we weren't chosen, another couple had the words "matched" across their profile.  The baby was to be due mid June.  I checked the site today, and they are back "on the market".  I don't know them at all, but I feel so bad for them.  They had been matched for at least a couple of months.  I'm not positive that this is the situation, but I'm pretty sure. 

That is a long time to develop an emotional bond with an unborn baby.  I'd imagine they had everything ready, just in case.  This is exactly the reason that I was relieved we weren't chosen that time.  Something told me it wouldn't work out.  We have a baby room, which I currently call the "spare room".  I'd love to get it ready.  Crib, at least.  But, I can't bring myself to do it.   

This wait is getting agonizing.  I have times when I don't give it much thought, then times when I think of it every day.  When I turned 30, I was very upset because I thought for sure I would be a mom by that age.  Every year, same story.  With just a couple of weeks left before another year has completed, I find myself thinking of it more.  *Sigh*

I'm not sure how long the "matched then un-matched" couple has been waiting - but however long, my heart hurts for them tonight.  Waiting stinks.  Having your heart on a teeter totter stinks.  Reading/watching the news about how many children are abused/neglected every day stinks. 

One day my wait will be over and I'll be blogging about cute faces, sleepless nights, and baby poop.  But, for now waiting stinks.