Third Shmird.

"Third times a charm" is definitely not the bearer of good fortune in our little family.  3 IVF's, no luck.  3 times our profile shown, no luck. 

Our case worker called this afternoon to let us know that the birth mom chose another family.  Luckily I was at work, or I think I would have had a total melt down.  Though I did shed some tears (along with my boss, bless her heart!) I made it through the rest of the afternoon; sad, mad, irritated, upset.....heart broken for something that wasn't even mine, again.

When my phone finally rang and I saw "private number" my heart skipped a beat.  For the first couple of seconds of the call as she introduced herself, asked how I was, etc - I tried so hard to read the tone of her voice.  Was she excited to be calling me?  Dreading calling me?  Ack!  When she said "just wanted to let you know...." I'd lost all interest in trying to figure her out.  I knew.  And I didn't like what I was hearing.  Whaaaaa!!

For whatever reason, she repeated that the birth mom had chosen another family (like I needed to hear it more than once) and told me our profile would go right back in to be ready for viewing.  Awesome.  So, the flood gates opened and I finished my work on the computer through teary eyes.  I walked out of the room and my boss knew right away.  "Oh shoot" was all she said and I saw her teary eyes too.  I think I managed to mumble that I was ok and for her not to cry.  I hate that she was upset about it, but it's nice to know that others want this so badly for us that they get upset too. 

As the day went on, I was ok until I got home and Bill asked me if I was as bummed as he was.  I told him I couldn't talk about it because I didn't want to cry again.  Something about the words actually coming out of my mouth make it harder. 

So, what do you do after the third time's not your charm?  Wait for the fourth, I guess.  And the fifth, if that's what happens.  Third Shmird.  Who lives a fairy tale like that?  I sure don't.