As if I didn't need another kick in the pants, today we received a letter from Washington University that it was time for us to renew the cryopreservation of our fertilized embryos - or dispose of them.
Here is a paper printed picture of a couple of the embryos. This is the closest my husband and I will ever be to having something that is biologically a part of both of us.
I know that I don't want to do IVF again. At all. Unless I was guaranteed it would work (which I pretty much was the first 3 times, and we see how well that turned out), I would never do it again. We did everything possible (scientifically, anyway) to make sure it would work.....and it was not fun. For 3 brief periods of time, I knew that I had something inside me, made from both my husband and I that we wanted so badly. I'll never know why it didn't work, and it still makes me sad.
So, now, it's time to decide if we want to keep what's left in a frozen state or have them disposed of. I like the thought of having something of ours , but essentially, it's nothing. Nothing living or breathing anyway. It all depends on how you want to look at it. There's no sense in paying $400 to keep them in a frozen hotel when I know we won't use them again. It's time to let go and move on. Well, we already have, since we're waiting to adopt. But, it's time to let go of the biological side of things. And letting go is hard.
Here is a paper printed picture of a couple of the embryos. This is the closest my husband and I will ever be to having something that is biologically a part of both of us.
I know that I don't want to do IVF again. At all. Unless I was guaranteed it would work (which I pretty much was the first 3 times, and we see how well that turned out), I would never do it again. We did everything possible (scientifically, anyway) to make sure it would work.....and it was not fun. For 3 brief periods of time, I knew that I had something inside me, made from both my husband and I that we wanted so badly. I'll never know why it didn't work, and it still makes me sad.
So, now, it's time to decide if we want to keep what's left in a frozen state or have them disposed of. I like the thought of having something of ours , but essentially, it's nothing. Nothing living or breathing anyway. It all depends on how you want to look at it. There's no sense in paying $400 to keep them in a frozen hotel when I know we won't use them again. It's time to let go and move on. Well, we already have, since we're waiting to adopt. But, it's time to let go of the biological side of things. And letting go is hard.
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