A reason to smile...

Not a lot going on around here lately.  The weather is finally getting nicer, and I'm itching to get outside.  We've spent the better part of this weekend outside.  Secretly, I wish Grace's little friends would go home so we could go outside now.  (one of them is sick, and can't play outside)  Does that make me an awful person?  I didn't think so! 

Bill has had to work all weekend, so he hasn't gotten to see Grace much at all, just the 1.5 hours from the time he gets home until he goes to bed.  It would be so much easier if her mother were a person of reasoning and would be easy to switch days, but with her, there's usually some sort of conflict.  Ugh.

I went to a baby shower for a cousin yesterday.  Things like this are always hard.  I do my best, I congratulate and smile, take pictures, and eat cake.  But, the nasty part of me that contains envy wants to have people congratulating me, taking pictures of me, and eating MY cake!  It is easier when it's someone who I am truly happy for.  It was a fun time.  Chace got to help open presents, and Grace felt big helping pick up the wrapping paper and sorting presents away.  I've decided that I am now going to view every shower as an opportunity to plan what I will/will not do at my own shower!  I WILL NOT have a fondant iced cake!  They may be pretty, but they taste nasty!!  I WILL open presents as guests arrive.  Opening presents all at once is awfully time consuming!  I WILL have a fun time and will be a glowing, pregnant woman.  If the time ever gets here!

Well, I think it's about time to send some little girls home so we can go ride 4-wheelers and/or get in the hot tub!  Have a wonderful Sunday!

PS:  Tell me this picture doesn't make you smile!

 

 

Negative!

I wish I had better news following my first IFV experience, but I do not.  Yep, that's right, a big ole' failure.  I should say here that I really am not surprised.  I just never "felt" it.  I do not mean pregnancy symptoms, it was way too early for that even if I was pregnant, but I just did not have that feeling.  I knew it in my heart.  The day I went for my blood test, I cried on the way to the hospital, I cried on the way home, and cried some more while just waiting. 

When the phone rang with that 812 area code, I just knew it.  I braced myself and told myself not to cry and just listen.  But, as soon as the nurse said the word "negative" I choked up and could barely hear her.  She went on to schedule an appointment to talk with the Dr. and hung up.  I sobbed.  Why, when I already knew?  I don't know.  I guess I still had a sliver of hope.  I called Bill, who was understandably upset.  I sent a text message to my sister and aunt who immediately tried to call me.  I didn't answer, didn't want to talk to anyone right away, but Amy would not give up.  I explained to her, she cried too and told me she was coming over for lunch.  I told her not to, but if the roles were switched, I wouldn't have listened to her either!  I had to pick Grace up that afternoon, so I had about 3 hours to grieve for something I never had, but wanted so badly.   

My next appointment in Evansville was on Feb 22.  Dr Gentry was just shocked that I was not pregnant.  He said that of all the transfers he did that day, he would have put his money on me getting pregnant.  Good thing he didn't.  He went over several reasons why IVF doesn't work for some, which he assured me weren't my problems.  He promised me it was nothing that I did/didn't do.  He began talking about antibodies and positive negatives blah blah and said Bill and I would both be tested to make sure stuff in our blood "meshed"; for lack of better words on my behalf.  Before trying another cycle and wasting good frozen embryos, he wanted to make sure my body didn't have antibodies to fight off pregnancy.  If these tests came back ok, we would then move on to do an MRI of my uterus to make sure there were not problems with it accepting embryos. 

Finally, today, the nurse called me with the results.  She tells me that it was positive.  Why is it so hard to distinguish between positive being good or bad?  Anyway, Bill is a positive and I am a negative, and some term I don't remember.  Good news is that this can be fixed with baby aspirin and something else.  WHY can I never find a pen and something to write on when I need it?!  She said the March IVF cycle was full, so I can do mine in April.  She gave me info on when to start meds (I found a pen by this time, thank goodness!) and when to call them.

Soooooo, here we go again.  Hopefully for the last time.  Some people do this 6, 7, 8 times.  How?!  I don't know and hopefully I don't have to find out!  Let's hope the 2nd time's a charm! 

My Valentine...

...is an amazing husband and father

...works very hard to provide for our little family

...snores very loudly....yes, as I type this the windows are practically rattling!

...lets Grace put makeup on him and paint his nails

...could have a conversation with a wall, he likes to talk so much

...helps out around the house.  Yes, I know, I am lucky!

...will agree with me *sometimes* just to avoid an argument, even if he knows he is right.  I wish I had this quality, but when I'm right, I'm right!

...is my rock to lean on when I feel I could just tumble forever

I don't know what I'd do without my valentine!  I am thankful enough to realize how wonderful he is for me everyday and not just on this holiday!  Here are some pictures from the last few years.  I look forward to many more pictures and many more years with my valentine!

11 days post transfer....

and I'm freakin out.  It's not been a good couple of days.  I feel fine and nothing big has happened, I'm just convincing myself that this is not going to work.  I've been reading too much on the internet, that's part of my problem.  But, i think if I just read these message boards with people who are in my shoes, I will feel better.  WRONG.   Major wrong.  It just gets me worrying.  Yesterday was really bad.  I cried a lot and thought of the worst.  I don't know how NOT to do that, since that is all I've ever done with all of this, since none of it ever works.  And if it doesn't, we'll just try again.  But, I don't want to try again!! 

My butt meat is getting knotted up from so many shots......ok, that was not really intended to sound funny, but it does.  I am nauseous quite a bit from all the hormones I'm on.  I cry at the drop of a hat.  My feelings get hurt very easily by people who do not have that intention.  I want to hold my nephew.  I don't want to disappoint Grace if she won't have a brother or sister soon.  I want to be excited when Bill talks to my stomach and not just think he's silly cause there's nothing there yet.  BUT, I knew this was all part of it, every single last bit of it.

So, I am freaking out.  I will get over it, whatever the outcome.  3 more days..... 

SUPERbee

Dad's new Superbee deserves a post all it's own.  Since I don't know much (anything really) about cars, the specifics of the car will be short lived.  But, a post of it's own none the less!  When my dad was, as he puts it "young, with hair down to his shoulders and making 2 bucks an hour" he had a car just like this.  I guess it is exactly the same, though the color of the green is a little off.  Anyway, he had to get rid of the car for reasons that I'm sure had something to do with stinkin kids and life in general.  Well, he found this car at the Barrett Jackson Auction that was a few weeks ago in Scottsdale, AZ.  He did some research on it (if you know my dad, everything must be researched...which is a good thing!) and decided that he wanted to bid on it.  No, he did not travel to AZ, he bid over the phone from home and was as nervous as a one legged man on a greased ladder.  (I cannot take credit for that funny....that's by BIL Shawn's work!  Bidding went late into the night before his lot came up.  I called him around 11:30 that night after I knew the lot was over and he was so excited that he got it!

FINALLY, the car was delivered to him this Friday night.  You'd think he just had a baby the way people have been parading in and out of his garage!  While we were looking at the car, Bill noticed an old radio sitting to the side.  Apparently after all these years, he still has the original radio that he had in his old Superbee!  I thought that was neat.  Now, I can't wait for nice weather so he can get it out and we can get some good pictures!  I am very excited for him, he has worked hard all his life to finally enjoy things he likes!

4 days post transfer....

and things are pretty normal.  I feel fine, a bit lazy though.  I haven't held Chace since last Wednesday and I think he's starting to get mad at me!  Maybe I'm imagining it, but I like to think it upsets him!!  I've found some really good books, so that is helping.  Since the transfer, I have been on progesterone in oil injections (Bill gives them to me every night), prednisone, doxycycline (an antibiotic), dexamethasone (to thicken my uterine lining), prenatals, and tomorrow I will add hormone patches.  Wowza.  So, I'm feeling a bit medicated.  My butt hurts from injections every night, but I don't mind!  Bill has been very supportive and understanding through all of this.  Which, a good husband should be...and he certainly is! 

I have to brag on my brother in law, Shawn for a minute.  The day I had my retrieval last week, Amy had to work and Bill had to go with me, so that left Shawn to baby sit Grace for us.  We stayed at Amy's pretty late that Friday and Grace spent the night.  She was so excited she could hardly stand it....I'm not really sure why, I guess because it was something different!  Anyway, Saturday they got up and Amy went to work and Shawn took Grace and Chace to Cracker Barrel for breakfast.  When the waiter came and asked what she wanted, she ordered FRIED SHRIMP!  When the waiter asked if she wanted anything to go with it, I guess her reply was simple enough, "Ranch".  She knew she could get away with that with Shawn!  Next, he took them to the mall so Grace could go to Claire's.  He and Chace waited outside the store so Chace could ride some rides (RIGHT next to the store, it's small and all glass windows so he could see inside).....and he sent her in with $25.  I cannot even IMAGINE how excited and grown up she felt shopping, being able to get anything she wanted.....we always oversee her purchases and try to talk her out of nonsense ones!  Well, this day she had free range!  And woudl you believe it, she didn't have enough money.  So, what does she do?  Goes out of the store and tells Shawn there was this purse she HAD to have but that she needed 11 more dollars.  Apparently, it was on sale!  Sucker that he is, he bought it for her!  What a dream she was living!  After we got home, Bill went to pick her up and she came back to show me her loot.  She got the very cute purse that she couldn't live without, a diary, a cool pencil, a change holder shaped like a little sock, maybe some lip gloss?, some candy.....oh, I can't even remember it all.  All in all, she had such a good time.  She even got to sleep with Amy in her bed and told Shawn the next day that she farted on him twice the night before....and he still spoiled her!  That's love.