Negative!

I wish I had better news following my first IFV experience, but I do not.  Yep, that's right, a big ole' failure.  I should say here that I really am not surprised.  I just never "felt" it.  I do not mean pregnancy symptoms, it was way too early for that even if I was pregnant, but I just did not have that feeling.  I knew it in my heart.  The day I went for my blood test, I cried on the way to the hospital, I cried on the way home, and cried some more while just waiting. 

When the phone rang with that 812 area code, I just knew it.  I braced myself and told myself not to cry and just listen.  But, as soon as the nurse said the word "negative" I choked up and could barely hear her.  She went on to schedule an appointment to talk with the Dr. and hung up.  I sobbed.  Why, when I already knew?  I don't know.  I guess I still had a sliver of hope.  I called Bill, who was understandably upset.  I sent a text message to my sister and aunt who immediately tried to call me.  I didn't answer, didn't want to talk to anyone right away, but Amy would not give up.  I explained to her, she cried too and told me she was coming over for lunch.  I told her not to, but if the roles were switched, I wouldn't have listened to her either!  I had to pick Grace up that afternoon, so I had about 3 hours to grieve for something I never had, but wanted so badly.   

My next appointment in Evansville was on Feb 22.  Dr Gentry was just shocked that I was not pregnant.  He said that of all the transfers he did that day, he would have put his money on me getting pregnant.  Good thing he didn't.  He went over several reasons why IVF doesn't work for some, which he assured me weren't my problems.  He promised me it was nothing that I did/didn't do.  He began talking about antibodies and positive negatives blah blah and said Bill and I would both be tested to make sure stuff in our blood "meshed"; for lack of better words on my behalf.  Before trying another cycle and wasting good frozen embryos, he wanted to make sure my body didn't have antibodies to fight off pregnancy.  If these tests came back ok, we would then move on to do an MRI of my uterus to make sure there were not problems with it accepting embryos. 

Finally, today, the nurse called me with the results.  She tells me that it was positive.  Why is it so hard to distinguish between positive being good or bad?  Anyway, Bill is a positive and I am a negative, and some term I don't remember.  Good news is that this can be fixed with baby aspirin and something else.  WHY can I never find a pen and something to write on when I need it?!  She said the March IVF cycle was full, so I can do mine in April.  She gave me info on when to start meds (I found a pen by this time, thank goodness!) and when to call them.

Soooooo, here we go again.  Hopefully for the last time.  Some people do this 6, 7, 8 times.  How?!  I don't know and hopefully I don't have to find out!  Let's hope the 2nd time's a charm!