Negative!

I wish I had better news following my first IFV experience, but I do not.  Yep, that's right, a big ole' failure.  I should say here that I really am not surprised.  I just never "felt" it.  I do not mean pregnancy symptoms, it was way too early for that even if I was pregnant, but I just did not have that feeling.  I knew it in my heart.  The day I went for my blood test, I cried on the way to the hospital, I cried on the way home, and cried some more while just waiting. 

When the phone rang with that 812 area code, I just knew it.  I braced myself and told myself not to cry and just listen.  But, as soon as the nurse said the word "negative" I choked up and could barely hear her.  She went on to schedule an appointment to talk with the Dr. and hung up.  I sobbed.  Why, when I already knew?  I don't know.  I guess I still had a sliver of hope.  I called Bill, who was understandably upset.  I sent a text message to my sister and aunt who immediately tried to call me.  I didn't answer, didn't want to talk to anyone right away, but Amy would not give up.  I explained to her, she cried too and told me she was coming over for lunch.  I told her not to, but if the roles were switched, I wouldn't have listened to her either!  I had to pick Grace up that afternoon, so I had about 3 hours to grieve for something I never had, but wanted so badly.   

My next appointment in Evansville was on Feb 22.  Dr Gentry was just shocked that I was not pregnant.  He said that of all the transfers he did that day, he would have put his money on me getting pregnant.  Good thing he didn't.  He went over several reasons why IVF doesn't work for some, which he assured me weren't my problems.  He promised me it was nothing that I did/didn't do.  He began talking about antibodies and positive negatives blah blah and said Bill and I would both be tested to make sure stuff in our blood "meshed"; for lack of better words on my behalf.  Before trying another cycle and wasting good frozen embryos, he wanted to make sure my body didn't have antibodies to fight off pregnancy.  If these tests came back ok, we would then move on to do an MRI of my uterus to make sure there were not problems with it accepting embryos. 

Finally, today, the nurse called me with the results.  She tells me that it was positive.  Why is it so hard to distinguish between positive being good or bad?  Anyway, Bill is a positive and I am a negative, and some term I don't remember.  Good news is that this can be fixed with baby aspirin and something else.  WHY can I never find a pen and something to write on when I need it?!  She said the March IVF cycle was full, so I can do mine in April.  She gave me info on when to start meds (I found a pen by this time, thank goodness!) and when to call them.

Soooooo, here we go again.  Hopefully for the last time.  Some people do this 6, 7, 8 times.  How?!  I don't know and hopefully I don't have to find out!  Let's hope the 2nd time's a charm! 

My Valentine...

...is an amazing husband and father

...works very hard to provide for our little family

...snores very loudly....yes, as I type this the windows are practically rattling!

...lets Grace put makeup on him and paint his nails

...could have a conversation with a wall, he likes to talk so much

...helps out around the house.  Yes, I know, I am lucky!

...will agree with me *sometimes* just to avoid an argument, even if he knows he is right.  I wish I had this quality, but when I'm right, I'm right!

...is my rock to lean on when I feel I could just tumble forever

I don't know what I'd do without my valentine!  I am thankful enough to realize how wonderful he is for me everyday and not just on this holiday!  Here are some pictures from the last few years.  I look forward to many more pictures and many more years with my valentine!

11 days post transfer....

and I'm freakin out.  It's not been a good couple of days.  I feel fine and nothing big has happened, I'm just convincing myself that this is not going to work.  I've been reading too much on the internet, that's part of my problem.  But, i think if I just read these message boards with people who are in my shoes, I will feel better.  WRONG.   Major wrong.  It just gets me worrying.  Yesterday was really bad.  I cried a lot and thought of the worst.  I don't know how NOT to do that, since that is all I've ever done with all of this, since none of it ever works.  And if it doesn't, we'll just try again.  But, I don't want to try again!! 

My butt meat is getting knotted up from so many shots......ok, that was not really intended to sound funny, but it does.  I am nauseous quite a bit from all the hormones I'm on.  I cry at the drop of a hat.  My feelings get hurt very easily by people who do not have that intention.  I want to hold my nephew.  I don't want to disappoint Grace if she won't have a brother or sister soon.  I want to be excited when Bill talks to my stomach and not just think he's silly cause there's nothing there yet.  BUT, I knew this was all part of it, every single last bit of it.

So, I am freaking out.  I will get over it, whatever the outcome.  3 more days..... 

SUPERbee

Dad's new Superbee deserves a post all it's own.  Since I don't know much (anything really) about cars, the specifics of the car will be short lived.  But, a post of it's own none the less!  When my dad was, as he puts it "young, with hair down to his shoulders and making 2 bucks an hour" he had a car just like this.  I guess it is exactly the same, though the color of the green is a little off.  Anyway, he had to get rid of the car for reasons that I'm sure had something to do with stinkin kids and life in general.  Well, he found this car at the Barrett Jackson Auction that was a few weeks ago in Scottsdale, AZ.  He did some research on it (if you know my dad, everything must be researched...which is a good thing!) and decided that he wanted to bid on it.  No, he did not travel to AZ, he bid over the phone from home and was as nervous as a one legged man on a greased ladder.  (I cannot take credit for that funny....that's by BIL Shawn's work!  Bidding went late into the night before his lot came up.  I called him around 11:30 that night after I knew the lot was over and he was so excited that he got it!

FINALLY, the car was delivered to him this Friday night.  You'd think he just had a baby the way people have been parading in and out of his garage!  While we were looking at the car, Bill noticed an old radio sitting to the side.  Apparently after all these years, he still has the original radio that he had in his old Superbee!  I thought that was neat.  Now, I can't wait for nice weather so he can get it out and we can get some good pictures!  I am very excited for him, he has worked hard all his life to finally enjoy things he likes!