Meeting Birth Mom

So, if you read my last facebook post, you saw that I was deactivating my account.  Much like my problem with food, I have (had) an addiction with facebook, and it was a major waste of my time.  (Sad, isn’t it?!)  I will be back one day, after lent is over….though I’m not Catholic, I gave it up with my friend Sara…..just like I did littering in high school with her! 

I have been such a failure at blogging and hope that my facebook hiatus helps that.  Also, I don’t exactly know how much I’m allowed to share about Lucas’s story just yet, so I’ve been a little apprehensive about sharing publicly.  (Not that I would give away major deets anyway, but I don’t want to test it!) 

When I left the last post, I said I’d tell the story about meeting his birth mom.  Since I’ve got a lot of ground to cover since my last post (roughly 6 months worth!), I’ll just start there and work my way on.

I arrived at the courthouse for the hearing that day for the judge to either terminate her rights or for her to sign her parental rights over.  I was just a ball of nerves.  I called my friend Sara who suggested I be prepared for her to either like me, or be really mad at me.  I was sure I was ready for both, but I really knew I wasn’t.  I would just die if she yelled and cussed me and thought I was trying to take her baby.    

Due to my aforementioned facebook addiction I had already known what his mom looked like, or at least looked like when he was very young anyway.  As I began walking up the stairs, I glanced ahead and there she stood at the top.  She had no idea who I was so I glided on past and went through security and found a seat inside.  The caseworker wasn’t there yet and after a few minutes she came inside and sat down RIGHT BESIDE ME!  That was fate telling me to introduce myself and let her know her son was ok! 

After several minutes of watching her looking at pictures of her boys on her phone I finally said, “Excuse me, are you X’s mom?”  She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said yes and I told her who I was and that he was living with me and was doing great and was so smart.  I gave her a pack of pictures I brought for her and she was so happy to see them and just kept talking about how happy he looked. 

The room started to fill up and the caseworker showed up.  We talked to her for a minute and went to a corner to talk a little more privately.  I assured her that he would know he was adopted, and she said that that had always been her main worry – that he was so young, he wouldn’t remember if no one told him.  After talking a while, she warmed up to me so much.  Some people are just lost and/or broken and need someone to listen.  She pulled the caseworker over and told her that she wanted to sign her rights over specifically to us.   I almost screamed when she said that, but I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t know what to say.  I hugged her and we talked a while more.  We discussed visits when her life was in order and when we saw the judge, he commended her on making one of the best decisions she’s ever made. 

We had to go back a couple of weeks later for the judge to sign and I was so nervous that in those weeks she would change her mind or be influenced somehow.  Thank goodness she wasn’t and she made the best decision she could for her little boy!  A few months later, dad’s rights were gone too, then there was no way his bio parents could come back and try to gain custody again.

Meeting his mom was nothing like I had imagined.  I pictured a woman who would hate the ground I walked on, but instead she thanked me for taking such good care of her baby….and I thanked her for giving her baby to me when she could have made things much, much harder.  For that I will always be grateful.