I know you've been waiting for it!!! Good news - Part 1

My, my….how things can change in the blink of an eye!   If you’ve followed our story at all, you know that we’ve been waiting to adopt for about 18 months, and started the whole process 2 years ago. It has been the hardest road I’ve traveled.  Hope, disappointment, and fear, are only a few of the words I can think of right now to describe it.

 Well, today, things finally changed.  Sit back and relax, cause this is gonna take a minute!

Let me start by telling you about my friend.  She was one of my best friends from high school and is still a very good friend to this day.  I loved her parents and applaud them for raising such a wonderful daughter.  She is happily married and has 3 wonderful kids of her own.

She spoke with me a while back about her and her husband considering foster adoption.  Since that wasn’t the type of adoption we were doing I wasn’t extremely familiar with it, but offered any advice I could.  They signed up with the same agency we were using and very shortly after they started their dcfs classes, they had a call about a little boy.  Since they wanted to adopt and seemed to be the perfect home for this little boy, they said yes and were given special approval to move him in while they were still working on their classes.

Meanwhile, over at my place, I was having some health issues.  Nothing serious, but stuff that would guarantee that I would never have my own biological children – unless I pull a Mary, and I don’t see that happening!  I was scheduled for surgery on April 16.  A few days before, our caseworker called us about a potential birthparent.  We agreed to have our profile shown and spoke with her about signing up for dcfs classes.  She emailed me the information on the classes and told me we’d set up our 6 month monitoring visit after surgery. 

A couple of days after my surgery, she called to tell me that out of 9 profiles shown, we were one of 3 couples in the final pick.  They were to look at them over the weekend and choose one.  We would just wait to hear from her.

Back at my friend’s house, things weren’t going as planned.  She was very upset because the dynamics with her kids and the little boy weren’t great.  The little boy needed lots of attention (which she completely understood) but her own kids needed attention also.  She was devastated as she made the call to her caseworker to ask them to move the little boy.  As I can imagine, it was the hardest decision she had to make.  She called me so upset that she had “failed” the little boy.  I tried to assure her that she had to do what she felt was right in her heart for her family and that somewhere out there was his forever home, and she was just helping him find it.  I also commented that it was too bad that we weren’t dcfs approved because she had told me how sweet, smart, and loveable this little boy was.  The agency now had 2 weeks to find him a new home.

Shortly after I got off the phone with my friend, our caseworker called.  We were not chosen by the birth parents.  I am very used to rejection by now, and though it sucked, I was not surprised.  Then she asked me a question that started a snowball effect.  Would we ever consider adopting older than an infant…..say 2 years old?  Uh, say what?!  I asked if this little boy was just asked to be moved today and though she couldn’t really give me any information, she said that there were a couple of cases that had recently came up….and I knew.  I told her we would consider it and started internally freaking out.  I called my friend…..could it be that they were talking about her little boy?  She began to feel a little better thinking that her unfortunate turn of events may turn out to be very fortunate for me.  We were just a flutter with assumptions…..and then my phone rang again. 

Indeed, they were talking about her little foster boy.  If we were at all interested, we would need to get a waiver from the director because our classes hadn’t been completed for dcfs.  Apparently those waivers aren’t as easy to come by as one would think.  We needed to wait and see what the director would say.  A simple yes or no answer.   Yes…….or no.  We were told that if they said yes, this could happen very quickly.  If no, it was still not far fetched…..but we would have a few obstacles.

Quickly, huh?  I had a spare room that needed cleaned out.  I mean, it was clean….it was just overcrowded with junk.  I feverously got to work organizing stuff, just in case.

We finally got our answer.  They said no.  However, like I said, it was not so far fetched.  This was now the 2^nd day that we had been discussing this.  There was a way….but my friend would have to make a decision.  Would she be willing to remain his legal guardian until we completed our training (which isn’t set to start until the beginning of May and would last one month)?  She didn’t even hesitate when she told them that she would – and only because it was me.  She wouldn’t do it for anyone else.  What a friend.  I tell you, she is amazing.

The sun comes up today.  Bill heads to work (before the sun came up), his head so full of “what if’s” I could scream.  He is much more logical and cautious than I am.  I have a love/hate relationship with that.  : )  My friend calls me, she has heard from her caseworker.  If we’re all ready, we can begin transition visits as soon as I talk with the baby’s caseworker.  She calls me just as I’ve lathered up in the shower!  Obviously, I had the phone right outside the shower and dry my ear off very quickly.  She is pleased with everything and agrees to the visits if we’re ok with it.  Ha, if we’re ok with it!  I have a room to finish.  My baby cousin (who is not so much a baby anymore!) comes over to help me put together a toddler bed.  With only 14 screws, it can’t be that bad right?  I’ll spare the details, but we only had to take it back apart one time.  Ahem.   Thanks again, Heidi….couldn’t have done it without you!  : )

Since my friend has agreed to remain his guardian, he still has to live with her.  But, he can do visits with us for up to 3 days at a time – until our classes are finished, then we will be his guardians.  My friend is so excited – not to leave him, but to give me my chance to start a relationship with the little boy who will be our son.  Her family brings him over this evening with his meager belongings.  She handed him to me as we were carrying stuff in and he came right to me.  We talked and went to his room.  He started playing and acted as if nothing was going on!  He brought me his plate from a bag and said “eat, eat”.  We headed to the kitchen where he stood in front of the fridge and said “eat”.  He and Grace (who was so excited she could hardly stand it) sat at the table to dine on some re-heated Pizza Hut (I know, such a special first meal – ha!).  I worried as my friend and her family slipped out the door that he would cry……he never even noticed!  He ate all of his pizza just like a big boy as we sat at the table for the first time as a “family of 4”. 

Aaaaand that’s enough for tonight!  Stay tuned to hear what an amazing night we had after the re-heated Pizza Hut dinner!

I can’t even begin to thank everyone enough for their thoughts and prayers.  Though this wasn’t at all how I pictured “it” would happen, it feels right – and I still can’t believe it.  Even if we had been dcfs ready at the time this little boy needed a home, we couldn’t have taken him because of my surgery.   I look at my friend as a special holding place for him – for us.  Would we have gotten him if anyone else had taken him?  I don’t know. Yes, there are still some risks….but we will deal with that as we go.    Maybe some things do happen for a reason.  I’ve never believed that before.  Tonight, I do.