Where does your motivation come from?

As of this morning, I was down 4 pounds.  Given my lack of almost complete focus this weekend, I’m proud of myself.  I know I can do better and I must get in exercise mode.  I know that is what works for me the best, but I still have that lazy bone in me.  Bah.  I need to find that constant source of motivation.  Where does your motivation come from?  Not just for weight loss/health...but for anything.  Smoking, road rage,  grammar correction (maybe that's just me!).....where do you get your motivation to help you focus on things you have a problem with?  I need help.

Tonight's episode of The Real Housewives of OC was awesome.  A great finale, for sure.  I can't wait for the reunion....lots of screaming, yelling, and finger pointing I'm sure!  I'm anxious to get my hands on a copy of this book:



Aren't you?????  :)

Grace is spending the night with her Pa Pa Jerry tonight (he lives in the country).  She called me around 9:30 and said she was scared.  By the end of our conversation, she was yawning while telling me about the awesome supper he fixed and how he snores just like her daddy!  I told her if she wasn’t asleep in 15 minutes to call me back….and I haven’t heard from her since.  I think she’ll make it!

Nerd Alert!!!!  You know how I was so giddy because the library called me?  Well, the book that came in was the third in the Hunger Games series….I am still waiting on the second one!  How disappointing.  I don’t want to read them out of order.  Reh.

I wish the adoption agency would call us with some good news.  It’s been over a year since we started the adoption process.  I know some people wait years, but I’m just being impatient.  We’ll be coming up on another home monitoring visit (to make sure we are still up to snuff) and I dread it every time.  Not for any bad reason, just because it’s a reminder that we still don’t have a baby, but they’re making sure we are ready and everything is still non-hazardous.  As if.

That's all for tonight, folks.  Anything you'd like to hear me talk about?  I am witty and interesting, after all.  Bahaha!   Also, don't forget to tell me your source of motivation.  I'm curious!  Good night!

I just wrote a very long, very witty blog post.  When I tried to publish it, it vanished. 

 I am too beat to type it all out again.  Reh.

To summarize:

::I've done ok on my diet, I need to start exercising, and I will weigh in with myself tomorrow::

::We went to the American Girl store Saturday and Grace had the best time and is in love with her doll, Gracelyn:: 

::I got stuck in the bathroom at my dad's with no toilet paper while everyone was outside swimming.  I contemplated using one of Miles' diapers from the trash (only wet) and decided against it.  After 25 minutes, I was rescued!::

::Has anyone done the 30 day shred?  I'd love to talk myself into starting it::

::Grace is looking through my external hard drive pictures and it taking her own little trip down memory lane...I love it!::

::I am tired and irritated that my last post is gone!  Good night!::

 

 

Ten for Today

1.  I have a headache.  I'm fairly certain that it's from lack of sugar.  I love sweets.  I love candy.  Cupcakes, cookies, ding dongs, laffy taffy, kit kat's, and donuts.  That's part of the reason I weigh 198 pounds.  No more!  Well, maybe later down the road, in moderation of course!

2.  I got all giddy today when I had a voicemail from the library that my copy of the Hunger Games part 2 that I requested was in.  My sister rolled her eyes at me.

3.  Miles and Chace were so good today.  Miles has been very clingy to me the last couple of days, but I'm not gonna complain!  He is getting very funny and is so full of little people personality. 

4.  Chace spent the night with my dad and Pam last night; it was the first time he'd stayed anywhere but here.  Apparently, he loved it.  He told me today that when he gets bigger, he's moving in with Grandma Pam.  Amy said she'll be moving in too!  Haha

5.  Today is Grace's first day back from church camp.  I always wanted to go to camp when I was younger.  Not church camp, just camp.  I always thought it would be so fun to get letters from home and meet boys who I would "go out with" for two or three days and swear that I was in love.  Anyone ever watch Camp Cucamonga with DJ from Full House, Urkel, Winnie, and Jennifer Aniston?   Check out a youtube video here!  I looooved that movie.  That was the kind of camp I wanted.  A friend of mine lived at the Modern Woodmen camp in our little town and I thought that was so cool.  Anyway, I never got to go to camp.  How sad.  I wish there was an adult camp....you know, that didn't require that you had an addiction to drugs or something. 

6.  Grace has a friend spending the night tonight.  They both just got back from camp today (they were there together) and obviously are not tired of each other!  They haven't had TV all week and are glued to the big screen!

7.  I just spent 20 minutes watching Camp Cucamonga videos on youtube.  Really.

8.  I'm pretty sure we are going to Key West for my dad and Pam's wedding.  Who's excited?  This girl right here....and not just for the vacation!  I'm so glad that my dad has found someone so great who loves him and all of us.

9.  I'm dying to go for a pedicure.  I've only had one in my life and it was during the winter!  I think I may have to go do that tomorrow.

10.  I'm curious to read Fifty Shades of Gray and see what all the fuss is about!

And one for the road!  Here's a picture of Grace and her Grandpa Jerry (Bill's Dad) playing cards....something they do every time she is at his house!  He's such a good grandpa!

Good Night!!

Toot! Toot!

So, today wasn't so bad.  I had some life cereal for breakfast (not the best choice, but not the worst!).  For a snack I had a serving size of roasted almonds.  [I bought the big wal-mart brand bag and divided it into portion sizes in small baggies.  Perfect to grab out of the snack drawer.]  For lunch, I had a small bowl of left over homemade chicken and noodles and some baby carrot sticks with light ranch.  This is one of my favorite snacks.  Beware though, the brand that wal-mart sells (Bolthouse farms) is not very good.  They're not awful, just not my favorite.  For supper, again not the best choice, but I had one salisbury steak, corn, and a little stuffing.  Waaaay less portions than what I would normally eat too.  I grabbed a few almonds out of a baggie and ate a few grapes and couple of strawberries while I was cutting fruit to finish the night off. 
I'd cut off a toe for a Hershey's with almonds right now.  Or a crunch dipped cone from DQ.  Mmmmm.  Stop it!!!

Today was a little longer day than usual at work, and my staying up til 1am the night before didn't help.  After I fixed supper {and after I indulged in Real Housewives of Orange County --"She took the bow off my cake and ate it!"--come on, who's with me here?!?!} I had to think reallllly hard about getting off the couch just to go get the exercise ball from Grace's closet.  After watching a few minutes of Million Dollar Listing, I knocked the dust off the ball and brought it to the living room.  I sat on it while I watched until a commercial....then finally started doing some sit ups.  After about 40, I'd let out enough toots I could have been a musician in my own fatty exercise band.  Yep, I said that.  That is why I don't go to the gym.  Yeah, yeah...everything is just an excuse.  Tell me that the girl on the exercise machine tooting won't be distracting.  That's what I thought. *Good thing my dad doesn't read here.... I can hear it now, "Liiiisa!!"

Ok, so then I make my way to the floor and decide to try something I saw on pinterest or somewhere.  I hold this giant ball between my legs {sincker, snicker} at my ankles and go from side to side and up and down.  I don't care what you think, you can really feel that crap!  Bill came in the living room to see what all the grunting was about! 

Mmmmm, snickers.  Stop!!

So, that's it for this fatty for today.  I've gotten a lot of encouraging words from friends in the last 24 hours.  Some of you are having the same struggles and I wish you the best of luck also, when you're ready.  Grab that ball and do some crunches....just make sure you're by yourself...you know why.  :)

Aside from all of this stuff, we are still waiting on adoption.  Every day I am reminded that we are still waiting for someone to choose us.  *Sigh*   That decision is a lot harder than I can ever imagine, so I am patient.  Patient because somewhere, someone is trying to decide who they want to raise their baby while I am trying to get rid of 50 pounds.  My problems seem insignificant.

Grace is at church camp this week.  She asked us to send her letters, so we sent cards.  I sent a balloon in mine that I had written a little note on.  I hope she liked it.  She called Bill tonight from camp crying because she missed him.  Only a couple more days and we'll get to see her!  Can't wait to hear her stories.

Bill has been on the phone with a friend from work for about an hour, talking about work.  Lame.  And funny.  What men talk on the phone for an hour?!  haha  I'm signing off for now, hope you have a wonderful night and an awesome tomorrow!!  :)

Seriously?! I can do this!!

Wowza.  I haven't blogged in a long while. So, let's start off with something heavy.  Literally.

See what I mean?  Literally!  After I posted this picture to facebook, a friend of mine commented how I blasted myself.  Say what?!  I didn't know what that meant!  Pretty much that I put that out there to intentionally embarrass myself....which is exactly what I was doing!  :) 

I care a lot (most of the time) about what other people think about me.  I also care about what I think about me too.  Putting myself out there about my biggest insecurity seemed the best way to hold myself accountable.  We'll see how this approach works.

I have always been a bigger person.  Biggest person in my family, biggest one out of my friends, biggest one at work.  It's just how it always was.  It always bothered me a little, but never enough to feel that I needed to do anything about it.  I ate what I wanted, when I wanted.  Sure, I was out of breath walking anywhere, but I felt ok.  What a way to live, right?  Hmph.

My husband is an amazing person who assures me every day how beautiful I am....and I believe him that he means it.  I am one lucky lady.  Last year, after we ended our IVF treatments I weighed the most I had ever weighed; 203 pounds.  He would still tell me every day how great I was.  Lucky, I tell ya!  But, I was miserable.  Even my "fat clothes" were not very comfy.  I was starting to get a sharp pain in my chest every once in a while.  I made a pretty heavy "uffda" sound while rolling off  getting up from the couch.  One of our old lady patients asked me when I was having my baby.  Seriously.

It was time for a change.  March of last year, I called my dr. and made an appt to talk about weight loss.  My cholesterol was kind of high, my triglycerides were VERY high, and I weighed a lot.  We talked about eating right and exercising.  She showed me an awesome website, www.myfitnesspal.com.  She prescribed me an appetite suppressant (diet pill, if you will) to take for a month.  I started the medicine and immediately, my appetite was suppressed.  I had energy to exercise.  I began walking in the mornings and exercising on the elliptical.  I worked my way up to 250 sit ups a day.  I started to notice my body changing, as well as the numbers on the scale after a couple of weeks.  When I went back for my month checkup, I had lost 16 pounds.  She told me that was too much too fast, even though I was eating 1800 calories a day (thanks to myfitnesspal!).  I had started taking 1/2 a pill instead of a whole and continued for about 2 more weeks.  

At that point, I noticed they weren't really working for my appetite anymore.  I wasn't starving like I used to be all the time, but I could just tell they weren't doing their magic anymore.  At that point though, I was in a groove.  Exercise, eat right, be happier and healthier.  And my weight continued to come off.  I kept the remaining meds I had for about another month when I hit a plateau and tried them for a couple days again.  Still not helping, so I flushed what I had left.  I knew I could do this myself.  I worked myself from 203 pounds to 169 pounds in 4 1/2 months.  I managed to keep steady around 173 pounds and I was happy with that.  I felt great!   I hadn't reached my final goal, but I had reached my first goal (175 pounds). 

UNTIL....we went on vacation (June/July).  I still did all right on vacation.  I exercised a couple of times at the hotel.  I ate ok, given the fact we were on vacation!  When we came back, I started slipping.  And slipping.  By my birthday in August, I had gained back some and was hanging around 180 pounds.  What I wouldn't give to be 180 right now.  Ahem.  Slipping and slipping.  We were in the middle of adoption paperwork and home study and caseworker visits.  And slipping.  The holidays came and went and I was starting to give up.  I joined a "biggest loser" challenge with my cousins and sister.  I didn't even try.  Food was too good.  From that point on, I have given up, telling myself I will start again one day.  I can't even begin to tell you how many weekends I have over-indulged, swearing that "My diet will start Monday!!!"  Yeah right!

Well, today, Tuesday June 19, 2012 - is my Monday.  In the set of pictures above, the top right picture is from tonight at a ballgame.  Today I got this cute haircut....and it doesn't look cute on a fat face.  I can control that.  I have the power to change that face.  I have the power to not have to stretch out every single shirt I own before I put it on.  I have the power to not have to buy clothes that have an X in the size.  I have the power to not loop a rubber band through my pants waist so they will fit better.  I can control my health.  I just have to do it.

My goal is simple, but the hardest thing for me to do.  Eat better.  Exercise.  I want to start out by losing 18 pounds in 6 weeks.  3 pounds a week.  I'll try.  This time I will, because I know how "healthier" feels.  And I know I can do it.  My plan is to update my blog with my progress. I hope that by putting my insecurities out there I will be held more accountable for my actions.  Let's hope so!  I can do this!