The Fralick Family

N  e  g  a  t  i  v  e

I did it.  I took a test, and my last 10 days came down to the one line that appeared on the stupid little stick that I dipped this morning.  I knew I shouldn't have done it.  It was stupid, and really at this point, negative isn't truly negative....yet.  I would not buy any tests because of this, and when they are not in the house, it is much easier.  However, my sister bought a couple and brought them here and left them.  Tempting me were these 2 little satan wands under the bathroom cabinet.  I woke this morning at 3:30 and lay for an hour trying to convince myself to go to sleep and not do it.  Curiosity overcame me and obviously I gave in.  I sat in the bathroom feeling foolish before the time was up, I knew better than this.  I couldn't help it.  They were here. 

*Sigh* 

Now, I am almost convinced that this IVF is a failure too.  I'm trying to tell myself that it was still too early.  But, I have read posts from others on the internet (reading on the net has become my worst enemy) and they got positives only 5 or 6 days past transfer.  Why was I insane enough to think maybe I would be one of the lucky ones?  Apparently, luck is not in Lisa Fralick's vocabulary.  Unless it's on scratch off lottery tickets.  I can usually bet on winning a free ticket, sometimes even $2.  I think I need better odds for this though. 

So, now I wait for Tuesday.  I will test that morning at home, just to know what kind of mood to be in when I go for my blood draw.  I am preparing myself for devastation, but would rightly pleased with happy news.  I'm not sure where I will go from here if it's a failure, but I guess only time will tell.  I sure could use some of that scratch off lottery luck that day!